Post by Parker on Apr 5, 2021 7:26:07 GMT -5
The space looks like a classroom. Chairs with small writing desks built into the right arm have been hastily set up in rough rows. The lights have been brought down low, all the better to see by the light emanating from an old fashioned slide projector. Stood in the shadow just beside the square of light shining on the rolled down screen is a man. He wears simple blue jeans, a plain black t-shirt and a dark green weather worn parka jacket. The room is sufficiently warm that the coat is not necessary, but the man's body language doesn't suggest he's planning on being here for long.
Man: Hi, I'm...well, my name doesn't matter. What matters is that your bosses here at Carnage are paying me to give you the lowdown on the UGWC wrestlers you're likely to the be facing in a couple of weeks time. I'm not interested in wasting any time so here we go.
M: First up, Carlson Rex. He's a decent technical wrestler but he's young and struggling to put a solid consistent run together. No glaring weakness aside from potentially a lack of self confidence. Someone going up against him needs to keep their head on straight, don't make any big mistakes and you'll probably come out on top. Next...
The sound of a click and a shift and the image on screen is replaced.
M: Travis Pierce. UGWC's self styled media mogul, head of the Piercing Media Network and executive producer on some of the worst TV shows available on local premium cable. You already met him last week. He's going to talk shit and tell you that the truth hurts. Gets a bit of a rep as a buffoon but make no mistake, the guy is a veteran, one of the longest tenured people on the roster and he has held every title going. A solid all-rounder, do your best to impose your game on him don't let him get in your head. You'll be fine. Next...
Click. Shift.
M:Montague Cervantes. One of the newer guys on the roster. The guy is an ex-circus performer and an absolute nutjob. Don't underestimate him and when you're in a match, be prepared for anything. I don't just mean anything normal, I mean literally anything. Ever had a super weird dream that's stuck with you for years? Yeah, expect that kind of shit. OK onward...
Click. Shift.
M: Dave Rydell. He's a veteran, a brawler and a tough S.O.B but he's never quite managed to reach the peak. That said, if you go as far back as one of UGWC's predecessor promotions LWF, Rydell has had more Cross-Hemisphere title reigns than anyone. He also beat an on form Angelica Vaughn and was cheated out of dethroning Sarah Lacklan so don't let his lack of World Champion status fool you, he's dangerous. Problem is his temper. Whoever goes up against him is going to want to play technical, frustrate him then wait for him to make a mistake. It won't take long. Watch your back when it's over though because he will cheap shot you. Onto...
Click. Shift.
M: JC, should be more familiar to all of you then he is to me so I'll keep this brief. He's big, he's angry and he doesn't take criticism well. I'm sure you all already have your own game plans for facing him but if you ask me I'd aim to run him ragged, work his back to take his power away, his neck if you want to be a real dick about it, then try to catch him off guard and roll him up.
Click. Shift.
M: Another one you all should know better than I do. Lucy Wylde is a veteran high flyer. You ask me though her head isn't fully in the game right now. Try to get in her head, throw her off. High flyers always make a mistake sooner or later. When she does, hold her down and beat her up. Job done.
Click. Shift.
M: Sebastian Everett-Bryce the Third. Yes that is really his name and yes he will insist you use it in it's entirety. Secondly, yes, his face always looks like that, no I don't know why. Don't let the fact that he constantly looks constipated fool you this guy is dangerous. I say this without a scrap of hyperbole, he is a high functioning sociopath. Some of you may have encountered him online and be surprised by that statement, he's seems charming right? Exactly, this is a facade he puts up in order to manipulate people but trust me, he will stab you, your mother, your grandmother, your kids and your dog all in the back to get what he wants. Then he'll make out that you're the bad guy for calling him out and that you're the real villain. Worst of all he'll make the people around you believe it too. Don't engage in a war or words with him, just kick his ass. He's a strong technician and he's happy to cheat to win too. If you face him, use every trick and take every shortcut to get the job done. Even if that's not your style, don't worry, he deserves everything he gets and he'd do the same to you.
Click. Shift.
M: Donovan Hastings was the first ever UGWC World Champion and is the only person to have held it five times. He gives off the impression of being a hapless clown but this is an act. Underneath it all is a veteran ring general and master technical wrestler who knows every trick in the book. He's also in the ear of the big wigs in the back. He's strong but he's getting old. Push the pace and keep up the pressure and eventually you'll overwhelm him.
Click. Shift.
M: This is recently deposed UGWC World Heavyweight Champion Hide Yamazaki. For my money still the straight up most dangerous competitor on the roster. He's strong, he's tough as hell, seemingly impervious to pain, he's fast for his size and he's completely immune to mind games. Oh, and he bites. The guy is a god damned berserker. If you asked me a few weeks ago I'd say he had no discernable weaknesses but having taken two recent losses to Sloane Taylor I guess he struggles with high flyers so if you're going to face him, steel yourself for what you're up against and don't be afraid to take big risks to get the job done.
M: He has a manager, Johnny Bonecrusher, or he might be going by Johnny Hitmaker now. He'll be around and he'll be loud but he's unlikely to get directly involved. Do your best to ignore him.
M: That brings us up to UGWC's reigning champions.
Click. Shift.
M: The inaugural UGWC Conquest Champion. Angelica used to be a big deal, back when UGWC was pandering to the so called Cool Kids. Every since the rest of them left she's struggled to stay at the top of the card. A disappointing early 2021 campaign has been recovered by claiming the companies newest belt but it awaits to be seen what she'll do with it. She's a good technical striker and submission wrestler but has historically struggled against bigger stronger opponents. Dave Rydell, JC and Hide Yamazaki have all caused her serious problems. She's got a long reach so best thing to do is get close, brawl and bully her. She'll break.
Click. Shift.
M: Onto UGWC's Chaos Champion, Tempest. Yes, I know you have a Chaos Championship here too but UGWC's is more like your Ultraviolent title, just so we're on the same page.
M: Tempest is crazy. I don't mean your average pro-wrestling, 'Oh be scared of me everyone, I'm craaaaazy,' that gets everywhere, I mean legit, off the wall acid trip, brain exists on another plane of existence crazy. Half the time he seems like just a weird kid, then he'll get into a match and won't hesitate to set you on fucking fire and giggle while you burn. He's fast, deceptively resilient for his size and the most unpredictable person on the roster. He's dangerous enough on his own but he's always got support.
M: Whoever is facing him is going to want at least two people covering their back because that's what Tempest will have. There's Daedelus, the twisted brains of the operation. Not the toughest fighter but he's cruel. The one to really worry about is Ny-Otep, although he may be going by a different name now, I dunno. That guy is a beast who will throw mere mortals like you and I around like rag dolls. Given that this match will almost certainly be no holds barred then he'll make himself a factor if you don't find a way to check him.
Click. Shift.
M: Ugh, the reigning Cooperative Champions, meaning Tag Team Champions to the rest of the world, Eden Morgan and Gabriel Baal. First off, don't by into their bullshit about being tag team legends. Both of them have average records working in teams at best. Prior to this reign Morgan has been a UGWC Cooperative Champion four times, each time with a different partner because no-one can stand to keep working with her once the belts are gone. None of those reigns were particularly noteworthy, the best one being sixty three days and only a single defence.
M: Baal is even less impressive. Before this reign he boasts two Cooperative title reigns. The first though he didn't even win, just had some friends who won then claimed the titles were his too.
M: Their current reign only began at the last show of 2020. They've got two defences but only against a couple of thrown together teams who were out of their depth.
M: That said, don't expect them to break down. They're a married couple after all, bonded by a mutual love of huffing their own farts. You'll beat them by playing on their supreme arrogance. Lure them in, the moment the match seems to be going their way they'll immediately get cocky and overconfident. That's your time to tear them down.
Click. Shift.
M: Almost done, here's Cross-Hemisphere champion Centurion. The guy is as old as time but he's having somewhat of an Indian Summer to his career since joining UGWC. He's clever, crafty and skilled but he's also fairly small with a style that works at odds with his age. I'd say you want someone big to break his ageing body but since this is one of the few match-ups already confirmed I know that's not what we've got, so my advise to Avenger is to push the pace and tire him out. Be wary of a roll-up or a desperation finisher and you'll come away with the W and Centurion can be out quick enough to make the early bird special at Dennys.
M: Finally...
Click. Shift.
M: Last and in many ways least, Sloane Taylor. Don't let the fact that she's currently holding the World title fool you, she's nothing special, just an average high flyer with cotton candy for brains. Stop her from building up momentum and the match is already over. You want a little more help, she bust her left foot up last year and put herself on the bench for a couple of months. That injury got aggravated again earlier this year too. So stick to her like glue, target the foot, take away her mobility and the match is yours.
M: Right, that's me done. Any questions? No. Good. Now who do I have to talk do around here about getting my money?
Man: Hi, I'm...well, my name doesn't matter. What matters is that your bosses here at Carnage are paying me to give you the lowdown on the UGWC wrestlers you're likely to the be facing in a couple of weeks time. I'm not interested in wasting any time so here we go.
M: First up, Carlson Rex. He's a decent technical wrestler but he's young and struggling to put a solid consistent run together. No glaring weakness aside from potentially a lack of self confidence. Someone going up against him needs to keep their head on straight, don't make any big mistakes and you'll probably come out on top. Next...
The sound of a click and a shift and the image on screen is replaced.
M: Travis Pierce. UGWC's self styled media mogul, head of the Piercing Media Network and executive producer on some of the worst TV shows available on local premium cable. You already met him last week. He's going to talk shit and tell you that the truth hurts. Gets a bit of a rep as a buffoon but make no mistake, the guy is a veteran, one of the longest tenured people on the roster and he has held every title going. A solid all-rounder, do your best to impose your game on him don't let him get in your head. You'll be fine. Next...
Click. Shift.
M:Montague Cervantes. One of the newer guys on the roster. The guy is an ex-circus performer and an absolute nutjob. Don't underestimate him and when you're in a match, be prepared for anything. I don't just mean anything normal, I mean literally anything. Ever had a super weird dream that's stuck with you for years? Yeah, expect that kind of shit. OK onward...
Click. Shift.
M: Dave Rydell. He's a veteran, a brawler and a tough S.O.B but he's never quite managed to reach the peak. That said, if you go as far back as one of UGWC's predecessor promotions LWF, Rydell has had more Cross-Hemisphere title reigns than anyone. He also beat an on form Angelica Vaughn and was cheated out of dethroning Sarah Lacklan so don't let his lack of World Champion status fool you, he's dangerous. Problem is his temper. Whoever goes up against him is going to want to play technical, frustrate him then wait for him to make a mistake. It won't take long. Watch your back when it's over though because he will cheap shot you. Onto...
Click. Shift.
M: JC, should be more familiar to all of you then he is to me so I'll keep this brief. He's big, he's angry and he doesn't take criticism well. I'm sure you all already have your own game plans for facing him but if you ask me I'd aim to run him ragged, work his back to take his power away, his neck if you want to be a real dick about it, then try to catch him off guard and roll him up.
Click. Shift.
M: Another one you all should know better than I do. Lucy Wylde is a veteran high flyer. You ask me though her head isn't fully in the game right now. Try to get in her head, throw her off. High flyers always make a mistake sooner or later. When she does, hold her down and beat her up. Job done.
Click. Shift.
M: Sebastian Everett-Bryce the Third. Yes that is really his name and yes he will insist you use it in it's entirety. Secondly, yes, his face always looks like that, no I don't know why. Don't let the fact that he constantly looks constipated fool you this guy is dangerous. I say this without a scrap of hyperbole, he is a high functioning sociopath. Some of you may have encountered him online and be surprised by that statement, he's seems charming right? Exactly, this is a facade he puts up in order to manipulate people but trust me, he will stab you, your mother, your grandmother, your kids and your dog all in the back to get what he wants. Then he'll make out that you're the bad guy for calling him out and that you're the real villain. Worst of all he'll make the people around you believe it too. Don't engage in a war or words with him, just kick his ass. He's a strong technician and he's happy to cheat to win too. If you face him, use every trick and take every shortcut to get the job done. Even if that's not your style, don't worry, he deserves everything he gets and he'd do the same to you.
Click. Shift.
M: Donovan Hastings was the first ever UGWC World Champion and is the only person to have held it five times. He gives off the impression of being a hapless clown but this is an act. Underneath it all is a veteran ring general and master technical wrestler who knows every trick in the book. He's also in the ear of the big wigs in the back. He's strong but he's getting old. Push the pace and keep up the pressure and eventually you'll overwhelm him.
Click. Shift.
M: This is recently deposed UGWC World Heavyweight Champion Hide Yamazaki. For my money still the straight up most dangerous competitor on the roster. He's strong, he's tough as hell, seemingly impervious to pain, he's fast for his size and he's completely immune to mind games. Oh, and he bites. The guy is a god damned berserker. If you asked me a few weeks ago I'd say he had no discernable weaknesses but having taken two recent losses to Sloane Taylor I guess he struggles with high flyers so if you're going to face him, steel yourself for what you're up against and don't be afraid to take big risks to get the job done.
M: He has a manager, Johnny Bonecrusher, or he might be going by Johnny Hitmaker now. He'll be around and he'll be loud but he's unlikely to get directly involved. Do your best to ignore him.
M: That brings us up to UGWC's reigning champions.
Click. Shift.
M: The inaugural UGWC Conquest Champion. Angelica used to be a big deal, back when UGWC was pandering to the so called Cool Kids. Every since the rest of them left she's struggled to stay at the top of the card. A disappointing early 2021 campaign has been recovered by claiming the companies newest belt but it awaits to be seen what she'll do with it. She's a good technical striker and submission wrestler but has historically struggled against bigger stronger opponents. Dave Rydell, JC and Hide Yamazaki have all caused her serious problems. She's got a long reach so best thing to do is get close, brawl and bully her. She'll break.
Click. Shift.
M: Onto UGWC's Chaos Champion, Tempest. Yes, I know you have a Chaos Championship here too but UGWC's is more like your Ultraviolent title, just so we're on the same page.
M: Tempest is crazy. I don't mean your average pro-wrestling, 'Oh be scared of me everyone, I'm craaaaazy,' that gets everywhere, I mean legit, off the wall acid trip, brain exists on another plane of existence crazy. Half the time he seems like just a weird kid, then he'll get into a match and won't hesitate to set you on fucking fire and giggle while you burn. He's fast, deceptively resilient for his size and the most unpredictable person on the roster. He's dangerous enough on his own but he's always got support.
M: Whoever is facing him is going to want at least two people covering their back because that's what Tempest will have. There's Daedelus, the twisted brains of the operation. Not the toughest fighter but he's cruel. The one to really worry about is Ny-Otep, although he may be going by a different name now, I dunno. That guy is a beast who will throw mere mortals like you and I around like rag dolls. Given that this match will almost certainly be no holds barred then he'll make himself a factor if you don't find a way to check him.
Click. Shift.
M: Ugh, the reigning Cooperative Champions, meaning Tag Team Champions to the rest of the world, Eden Morgan and Gabriel Baal. First off, don't by into their bullshit about being tag team legends. Both of them have average records working in teams at best. Prior to this reign Morgan has been a UGWC Cooperative Champion four times, each time with a different partner because no-one can stand to keep working with her once the belts are gone. None of those reigns were particularly noteworthy, the best one being sixty three days and only a single defence.
M: Baal is even less impressive. Before this reign he boasts two Cooperative title reigns. The first though he didn't even win, just had some friends who won then claimed the titles were his too.
M: Their current reign only began at the last show of 2020. They've got two defences but only against a couple of thrown together teams who were out of their depth.
M: That said, don't expect them to break down. They're a married couple after all, bonded by a mutual love of huffing their own farts. You'll beat them by playing on their supreme arrogance. Lure them in, the moment the match seems to be going their way they'll immediately get cocky and overconfident. That's your time to tear them down.
Click. Shift.
M: Almost done, here's Cross-Hemisphere champion Centurion. The guy is as old as time but he's having somewhat of an Indian Summer to his career since joining UGWC. He's clever, crafty and skilled but he's also fairly small with a style that works at odds with his age. I'd say you want someone big to break his ageing body but since this is one of the few match-ups already confirmed I know that's not what we've got, so my advise to Avenger is to push the pace and tire him out. Be wary of a roll-up or a desperation finisher and you'll come away with the W and Centurion can be out quick enough to make the early bird special at Dennys.
M: Finally...
Click. Shift.
M: Last and in many ways least, Sloane Taylor. Don't let the fact that she's currently holding the World title fool you, she's nothing special, just an average high flyer with cotton candy for brains. Stop her from building up momentum and the match is already over. You want a little more help, she bust her left foot up last year and put herself on the bench for a couple of months. That injury got aggravated again earlier this year too. So stick to her like glue, target the foot, take away her mobility and the match is yours.
M: Right, that's me done. Any questions? No. Good. Now who do I have to talk do around here about getting my money?