Post by The Madness Menagerie on Oct 28, 2020 16:01:59 GMT -5
Matthew hadn’t even bothered to change. The arena was loud, too loud. He just grabbed his gym bag, and made a bee-line for the exit.His body was sore, his soul hurt even more. His eyes squeezed shut, trying to quiet the voices of the audience, and in his own head. He squeezed his eyes tighter, swearing he saw her on the insides of his lids.
He’d failed.
Again.
Jittery from an another evening, Belle happens to find her way to the exit as Matt Knox does as well. She notes his head down, shoulders slumped, but still proceeds to come up behind him and gently places a hand on his shoulder, “Hey Matt, I know it didn’t work out tonight, but… I just wanted to say thank you again… For everything. It felt good being out there and I’m happy you were there to make sure nothing too crazy happened…”
Matt springs, his hand shooting up to her wrist and gripping onto it, he turns, ready to attack but sees who it is. He releases her, taking a step back, letting out an exhale. He nods to her words, eyes still downcast as he croaks out a reply,
“Nothing crazy. Not yet. You...you ought to clear out. I can’t..I won’t be able to..” he cleared his throat, shifting his gaze away “You should head out.”
Taken aback by his reaction, Belle’s eyes grow wide. This wasn’t the man that told her that her night was going to be worry free. “But… Wait… Are you ok? Can I do anything for you? Maybe we can just do something low key, first round on me?” She asks him hopefully, knowing that if history was any indication, that was probably the worst thing she could have asked.
“I..” he shakes his head, stepping back “I’m..No, Belle. You need to go, away from me. I’m poison. Fucking...fucking poison” his voice is barely above a whisper, erratic and fast but deadly serious. He begins walking away from her, speaking loud enough to call back, “I’m sorry.” to her once, the sincerity and bitterness of it carried in the cold Baltimore night air.
“No…” Belle shakes her head and reaches out to him, disregarding his cold eyes trying to find a way out. “It was one match Matt. Just one. You have… So many more opportunities coming your way. You just need a little faith, right? You’ve been through this, several times I’m sure but all of those other times, they didn’t have the people that support you, that rely on you to be that support in return. You came to me and showed exactly why I’m here, we’re glimmers right? You told me you had my back if I came back Matt. It’s time that you let me in enough that I can have yours too.”
“I said, GO!” Matt barks, finally turning toward her. His body wound up like a coil, ready to spring forth. He clenches his teeth, shooting his hands to either side of his head. “Shutup..” he mumbles a moment, before opening his eyes and staring at Belle, “I never asked to be relied on. I wanted to do this alone. Whole reason I came back, was to do it alone...and then I..” he shakes his head, running a hand through his hair, “I never wanted anyone to rely on me, but I let it happen. And It’s a fuck up, because I’m fucking poison. Like I just told you. So Go. Fucking...fucking go, please. Go.”
His face twists, sour, tragic, and bitter. “Go!” he spits once more.
Belle doesn’t move and against her better judgment, she reaches out a hand to gently place on his forearm. A warm touch, something to comfort the man in front of her. “Matt,” she begins...Matt snatches her wrist, his grip almost vice like as he removes her hand from him.
“No.. Fucking poison, Belle.” he releases his grip, muttering once more “Poison.” as he made his way to the old Jaguar parked at the end of the lot.
Belle watches him leave as she rubs her wrist where he had grabbed it. “You… Hurt me…” Her voice was small and she didn’t really believe that he would hear it, but all the same it stung that he didn’t turn around and at least apologize for hurting her. As she listened to the engine roar away, she takes out her phone, uncertain on exactly why. She holds it for a moment, scrolling through it until her fingers stop and hit a button, putting the phone up to her ear. She waits a moment before responding.
“Hey Mia, it’s Belle. I… Need your help with something…”
There wasn’t much at Chaos that needed Mia’s attention. The Institute hadn’t been seen since The Forsaken ruined their sacrifice at Havoc and Mia wasn’t booked. Matt had everything tied up with C$J and Winter had his ass handed to him.
Winter…
Mia rolls her eyes as she’s about to grab her phone when it rings. She looks at it curiously and is surprised by the person calling. “Hello?”
Mia listens as Belle asks for her help. If it had been anyone else, if the note of panic and worry hadn’t been there, Mia might have hung up on her, but she didn’t.
“Uh, yeah. Sure Belle, what’s up?”
Mia listens as Belle recounts her encounter with a very different Matt Knox after Chaos went off the air. She had to get back to the hospital to check on Zephyr, but she could assume Belle would be on her way there soon. If Mia wanted any chance at reconciling a relationship with Zeph’s girlfriend, it was to try and help however possible.
“Well, that just doesn’t sound like the Knox he let us get to know…”
It was more to herself than anything else, but Belle had heard, “Wait, what? What do you mean?”
Mia sighs. She COULD spend the time to enlighten Belle to the darker side of life, but she’d find these things out in her own time. That and Zephyr would kill her if she took Belle’s innocence like that. Sighing, Mia replies, “Don’t worry, I’ll look into it. Do you have an address?”
Rubbing her temple with one hand, Mia jots down the address with the other. Of course it was the hotel most of the Carnage staff used when needed. “Got it. I’ll get to him before he does anything he might regret, but…”
Little did Belle know, Mia had come up behind her, hanging up her phone as she does so, her voice quiet so not to startle Belle, “Did he hurt you?”
Despite her best attempts, Belle still jumped out of her skin, turning quickly to face Mia. She raises her hand to catch her breath and Mia’s gaze narrows on it. “Your wrist.” Her voice is a low growl, no longer trying to hide. Belle looks slightly taken aback as she quickly covers it up.
“I… He just… He was upset Mia, it’s not a big deal.”
Mia raises an eyebrow, “That’s not what you would tell Zephyr and you and I both know that’s not what she would think. Speaking of, go ahead and get back to the hospital, I think Dorian and Chloe are there now to watch things. I’m going to go see our friend Knox and I’ll be along shortly after.” She winks at Belle, an expression that had only been seen by Belle on TV, but in person, it felt genuine. The reporter nods, standing out of Mia’s way, and smiling at her as she passes.
“Thank you Mia; and… I’m sorry for, you know…” She gestures to Mia’s injury, still bandaged from Belle’s recent attack. Mia shrugs,
“Oh this? I’ve survived worse and to be fair? I deserve it tenfold.” Mia winks at Belle again before heading out into the night, an occasional puff of smoke wafting up above her.
“I’m a mountain that has been moved…
I’m a river that is all dried up..
I’m a preacher with no Pulpit..
Spewing a Sermon that goes on, and on, and on”
The song was as familiar as he was lost. He bit down on the bitter tablet, cringing at the taste before washing it down with a swallow of liquor. He hummed along with the tune, eyes half shut as he stared out at the Baltimore morning. Tape hung lazily from his wrists & hands, still in his ring gear. Some face paint still remained, blotched in certain parts. As broken up and wrecked as he was.
Room 207 wasn’t difficult to find and once Mia told the desk jockey that she was there on “official Carnage business,” it wasn’t long before Mia had Knox’s room number. She makes it to the door and raises her hand to knock, pausing. “Ya know, I bet if I told the people downstairs that I thought there was a life in danger, I could get away with…”
She lowers her hand and backs up, taking careful aim and driving her boot right into the door handle, throwing the door inward!
“That. Anyways…”
She stops and surveys the scene, closing the door behind her. Her eyes narrow as she spots Knox, the bottle of pills and the alcohol out and no doubt already ingested.
“Fuck, Knox. I know you don’t want to talk about things, but…”
Mia plops down on the bed, ignoring any warning signs Knox might have been giving her.
“We’re going to talk about things. You realize that you left marks on Belle’s wrist right?”
He closed his eyes, exhaling a warm breath out of his nose. The door kicking in had hardly registered, but the voice of Mia Rayne, as new as it was, demanded his attention.
"That was a mistake. I did tell her to go, though." He lifts the bottle to his lips, taking another swig. Another exhale as he sets the bottle down.
"There isn't near as much to talk about as you'd think. There's just..dealing with it now. And this is what that looks like today."
He opened his arm, as if presenting the debauchery for consideration.
"So if you're here to try and convince me that there's more coming my way, that I'm anymore than I am? Save it. I know me. And I was a fool to deny him."
Mia stays silent for a moment, contemplating her words before finally settling.
“Shut the fuck up.”
She stands and strolls to Knox’s chair and with surprising strength, turns him chair and all so he’s facing her.
“Shut. The. Fuck. Up. Matt Knox.”
She looks into his eyes and stares for several uncomfortable moments before finally going and plopping back down on the bed.
“I’m here because you decided to lay hands on Zephyr’s girlfriend. A person that hates my guts because I never got as close as you did to hurting her. She was scared and you convinced her to show up tonight. You wanted to protect her and you did, you kept your word. Now when she reaches out to do the same to you? You swat her away like a worthless gnat. Is that all she is to you Knox? Is that all anyone that you’ve met here in Carnage is worth to you?”
Mia falls silent to the point that the silence starts to weigh down on both of them. Finally, she breaks it.
“Take a good, long, and hard look at me Knox. I’m not here to do what everyone else thinks to do in these situations. Relatable experiences forge the strongest of friendships and if you want to self destruct?”
Mia rolls up her sleeve, the cuts made still red and angry.
“Why not self destruct with someone with some experience in the field? This world is a fucking dark place Knox, twisted, scary… Sometimes the only way to beat the darkness, is to be darker. I fucking get that. But it’s SELF destruct. You don’t get to blow anyone else up, as much fun as that actually sounds…”
She trails off and stares off into the ceiling, laying down on the bed and puffing on her e-cig, glancing at Knox occasionally.
Matthew remained in his seated position, eyes staring through half an eye lid. He smirks, and scoffs as he adjusts in his seat, leaning forward and clasping his hands together, finding his words in a fog.
"Don't think to lecture me on how the world is. Don't try to walk around in my skin, Mia. I'm sorry about Belle. I care, of course I do. But as you can see, the threads have begun to fray," he smiles at that, reaching down and retrieving a bottle before continuing "They mean a lot to me, these relationships. It's why I tried to shove her away. I'm poison. Fucking poison and I won't ruin her water."
He shifts once more as he swirls the liquid in the bottle, his voice isn't quite slurred but the fog is apparent.
"You can relate all you want, and I appreciate the effort. But this is my hole, and whether I die in it this time or not is on me. Belle's got plenty more than my miserable, haunted ass to look out for her,"
He takes a swig, making a face at the bitterness and the burn.
"So, unless you're going to hit me or something, please do leave me in my misery, Mia."
Mia shrugs, launching herself up off the bed and delivers a jab right to the side of Matt’s head! Mia smirks, “I know you probably didn’t feel that, but you know what they say, the first one free and the second?”
She delivers another jab to the same place, not holding back, before turning and heading to the door. She turns and winks, “I owe you for. So, you go ahead and wallow in your hole Knox. Wallow until you put a smile on that scratchy face of yours. And while you wallow, I’m going to be here, waiting for your to show up and pay me back. In the future, instead of turning to your typical tools of the trade? Look me up, any day, any time. Come find me and we’ll work out some aggression together. No holds barred, anything goes, if you think that you can handle it.” She shrugs, uncaring of the answer. “You need to know a few things before I leave Knox and you can have your pity party for one. First, in the eyes of most of Carnage, Legion, roster, otherwise, you are already a champion. The only person that you have left to convince is your emo self. Second, ‘good’ isn’t a thing you are, it’s something that you do. Same can be said for, what was it? ‘Poison?’ ‘Toxic?’ You lost one contendership match Matt, just one. Everything else that you have done has been adding exclamation points to the continued tenure of your career. Take a look back and tell me Knox, through thick and thin, how many people have you encountered that have been willing to stand with you on the front lines? Fuck it man, I’m right here offering you company while you do your thing, I KNOW how lonely destruction is. I’ve felt it, that icy cold grasp it has on your soul. I’m not trying to BE you Knox, I’m not trying to walk in your shoes. I have my own to fill and I’ll be DAMNED if I take on your demons too without your help.”
She shakes her head and taps her boot against the door frame. “Whether you want them to or not, people care about you. Call yourself whatever name you’d like and I can PROMISE you that no one will share that sentiment. Mitch. Adrienne. Silvio…”
Mia looks up, “Me…” She shakes her head again. “I’m not here to pull you back from the brink. I’ve been there and I’ve come back. You’ve done the same, I see those ghosts in your eyes, we know our own. You do this on your own terms, you come find me and we’ll work out a better way, maybe . Until then…”
Mia waves half heartedly. “Happy drinking and for the record the only poison that you know at this rate? Is alcohol.”
Matthew stares after her defiantly, he raises the bottle in response.
"Cheers."
He’d failed.
Again.
Jittery from an another evening, Belle happens to find her way to the exit as Matt Knox does as well. She notes his head down, shoulders slumped, but still proceeds to come up behind him and gently places a hand on his shoulder, “Hey Matt, I know it didn’t work out tonight, but… I just wanted to say thank you again… For everything. It felt good being out there and I’m happy you were there to make sure nothing too crazy happened…”
Matt springs, his hand shooting up to her wrist and gripping onto it, he turns, ready to attack but sees who it is. He releases her, taking a step back, letting out an exhale. He nods to her words, eyes still downcast as he croaks out a reply,
“Nothing crazy. Not yet. You...you ought to clear out. I can’t..I won’t be able to..” he cleared his throat, shifting his gaze away “You should head out.”
Taken aback by his reaction, Belle’s eyes grow wide. This wasn’t the man that told her that her night was going to be worry free. “But… Wait… Are you ok? Can I do anything for you? Maybe we can just do something low key, first round on me?” She asks him hopefully, knowing that if history was any indication, that was probably the worst thing she could have asked.
“I..” he shakes his head, stepping back “I’m..No, Belle. You need to go, away from me. I’m poison. Fucking...fucking poison” his voice is barely above a whisper, erratic and fast but deadly serious. He begins walking away from her, speaking loud enough to call back, “I’m sorry.” to her once, the sincerity and bitterness of it carried in the cold Baltimore night air.
“No…” Belle shakes her head and reaches out to him, disregarding his cold eyes trying to find a way out. “It was one match Matt. Just one. You have… So many more opportunities coming your way. You just need a little faith, right? You’ve been through this, several times I’m sure but all of those other times, they didn’t have the people that support you, that rely on you to be that support in return. You came to me and showed exactly why I’m here, we’re glimmers right? You told me you had my back if I came back Matt. It’s time that you let me in enough that I can have yours too.”
“I said, GO!” Matt barks, finally turning toward her. His body wound up like a coil, ready to spring forth. He clenches his teeth, shooting his hands to either side of his head. “Shutup..” he mumbles a moment, before opening his eyes and staring at Belle, “I never asked to be relied on. I wanted to do this alone. Whole reason I came back, was to do it alone...and then I..” he shakes his head, running a hand through his hair, “I never wanted anyone to rely on me, but I let it happen. And It’s a fuck up, because I’m fucking poison. Like I just told you. So Go. Fucking...fucking go, please. Go.”
His face twists, sour, tragic, and bitter. “Go!” he spits once more.
Belle doesn’t move and against her better judgment, she reaches out a hand to gently place on his forearm. A warm touch, something to comfort the man in front of her. “Matt,” she begins...Matt snatches her wrist, his grip almost vice like as he removes her hand from him.
“No.. Fucking poison, Belle.” he releases his grip, muttering once more “Poison.” as he made his way to the old Jaguar parked at the end of the lot.
Belle watches him leave as she rubs her wrist where he had grabbed it. “You… Hurt me…” Her voice was small and she didn’t really believe that he would hear it, but all the same it stung that he didn’t turn around and at least apologize for hurting her. As she listened to the engine roar away, she takes out her phone, uncertain on exactly why. She holds it for a moment, scrolling through it until her fingers stop and hit a button, putting the phone up to her ear. She waits a moment before responding.
“Hey Mia, it’s Belle. I… Need your help with something…”
There wasn’t much at Chaos that needed Mia’s attention. The Institute hadn’t been seen since The Forsaken ruined their sacrifice at Havoc and Mia wasn’t booked. Matt had everything tied up with C$J and Winter had his ass handed to him.
Winter…
Mia rolls her eyes as she’s about to grab her phone when it rings. She looks at it curiously and is surprised by the person calling. “Hello?”
Mia listens as Belle asks for her help. If it had been anyone else, if the note of panic and worry hadn’t been there, Mia might have hung up on her, but she didn’t.
“Uh, yeah. Sure Belle, what’s up?”
Mia listens as Belle recounts her encounter with a very different Matt Knox after Chaos went off the air. She had to get back to the hospital to check on Zephyr, but she could assume Belle would be on her way there soon. If Mia wanted any chance at reconciling a relationship with Zeph’s girlfriend, it was to try and help however possible.
“Well, that just doesn’t sound like the Knox he let us get to know…”
It was more to herself than anything else, but Belle had heard, “Wait, what? What do you mean?”
Mia sighs. She COULD spend the time to enlighten Belle to the darker side of life, but she’d find these things out in her own time. That and Zephyr would kill her if she took Belle’s innocence like that. Sighing, Mia replies, “Don’t worry, I’ll look into it. Do you have an address?”
Rubbing her temple with one hand, Mia jots down the address with the other. Of course it was the hotel most of the Carnage staff used when needed. “Got it. I’ll get to him before he does anything he might regret, but…”
Little did Belle know, Mia had come up behind her, hanging up her phone as she does so, her voice quiet so not to startle Belle, “Did he hurt you?”
Despite her best attempts, Belle still jumped out of her skin, turning quickly to face Mia. She raises her hand to catch her breath and Mia’s gaze narrows on it. “Your wrist.” Her voice is a low growl, no longer trying to hide. Belle looks slightly taken aback as she quickly covers it up.
“I… He just… He was upset Mia, it’s not a big deal.”
Mia raises an eyebrow, “That’s not what you would tell Zephyr and you and I both know that’s not what she would think. Speaking of, go ahead and get back to the hospital, I think Dorian and Chloe are there now to watch things. I’m going to go see our friend Knox and I’ll be along shortly after.” She winks at Belle, an expression that had only been seen by Belle on TV, but in person, it felt genuine. The reporter nods, standing out of Mia’s way, and smiling at her as she passes.
“Thank you Mia; and… I’m sorry for, you know…” She gestures to Mia’s injury, still bandaged from Belle’s recent attack. Mia shrugs,
“Oh this? I’ve survived worse and to be fair? I deserve it tenfold.” Mia winks at Belle again before heading out into the night, an occasional puff of smoke wafting up above her.
“I’m a mountain that has been moved…
I’m a river that is all dried up..
I’m a preacher with no Pulpit..
Spewing a Sermon that goes on, and on, and on”
The song was as familiar as he was lost. He bit down on the bitter tablet, cringing at the taste before washing it down with a swallow of liquor. He hummed along with the tune, eyes half shut as he stared out at the Baltimore morning. Tape hung lazily from his wrists & hands, still in his ring gear. Some face paint still remained, blotched in certain parts. As broken up and wrecked as he was.
Room 207 wasn’t difficult to find and once Mia told the desk jockey that she was there on “official Carnage business,” it wasn’t long before Mia had Knox’s room number. She makes it to the door and raises her hand to knock, pausing. “Ya know, I bet if I told the people downstairs that I thought there was a life in danger, I could get away with…”
She lowers her hand and backs up, taking careful aim and driving her boot right into the door handle, throwing the door inward!
“That. Anyways…”
She stops and surveys the scene, closing the door behind her. Her eyes narrow as she spots Knox, the bottle of pills and the alcohol out and no doubt already ingested.
“Fuck, Knox. I know you don’t want to talk about things, but…”
Mia plops down on the bed, ignoring any warning signs Knox might have been giving her.
“We’re going to talk about things. You realize that you left marks on Belle’s wrist right?”
He closed his eyes, exhaling a warm breath out of his nose. The door kicking in had hardly registered, but the voice of Mia Rayne, as new as it was, demanded his attention.
"That was a mistake. I did tell her to go, though." He lifts the bottle to his lips, taking another swig. Another exhale as he sets the bottle down.
"There isn't near as much to talk about as you'd think. There's just..dealing with it now. And this is what that looks like today."
He opened his arm, as if presenting the debauchery for consideration.
"So if you're here to try and convince me that there's more coming my way, that I'm anymore than I am? Save it. I know me. And I was a fool to deny him."
Mia stays silent for a moment, contemplating her words before finally settling.
“Shut the fuck up.”
She stands and strolls to Knox’s chair and with surprising strength, turns him chair and all so he’s facing her.
“Shut. The. Fuck. Up. Matt Knox.”
She looks into his eyes and stares for several uncomfortable moments before finally going and plopping back down on the bed.
“I’m here because you decided to lay hands on Zephyr’s girlfriend. A person that hates my guts because I never got as close as you did to hurting her. She was scared and you convinced her to show up tonight. You wanted to protect her and you did, you kept your word. Now when she reaches out to do the same to you? You swat her away like a worthless gnat. Is that all she is to you Knox? Is that all anyone that you’ve met here in Carnage is worth to you?”
Mia falls silent to the point that the silence starts to weigh down on both of them. Finally, she breaks it.
“Take a good, long, and hard look at me Knox. I’m not here to do what everyone else thinks to do in these situations. Relatable experiences forge the strongest of friendships and if you want to self destruct?”
Mia rolls up her sleeve, the cuts made still red and angry.
“Why not self destruct with someone with some experience in the field? This world is a fucking dark place Knox, twisted, scary… Sometimes the only way to beat the darkness, is to be darker. I fucking get that. But it’s SELF destruct. You don’t get to blow anyone else up, as much fun as that actually sounds…”
She trails off and stares off into the ceiling, laying down on the bed and puffing on her e-cig, glancing at Knox occasionally.
Matthew remained in his seated position, eyes staring through half an eye lid. He smirks, and scoffs as he adjusts in his seat, leaning forward and clasping his hands together, finding his words in a fog.
"Don't think to lecture me on how the world is. Don't try to walk around in my skin, Mia. I'm sorry about Belle. I care, of course I do. But as you can see, the threads have begun to fray," he smiles at that, reaching down and retrieving a bottle before continuing "They mean a lot to me, these relationships. It's why I tried to shove her away. I'm poison. Fucking poison and I won't ruin her water."
He shifts once more as he swirls the liquid in the bottle, his voice isn't quite slurred but the fog is apparent.
"You can relate all you want, and I appreciate the effort. But this is my hole, and whether I die in it this time or not is on me. Belle's got plenty more than my miserable, haunted ass to look out for her,"
He takes a swig, making a face at the bitterness and the burn.
"So, unless you're going to hit me or something, please do leave me in my misery, Mia."
Mia shrugs, launching herself up off the bed and delivers a jab right to the side of Matt’s head! Mia smirks, “I know you probably didn’t feel that, but you know what they say, the first one free and the second?”
She delivers another jab to the same place, not holding back, before turning and heading to the door. She turns and winks, “I owe you for. So, you go ahead and wallow in your hole Knox. Wallow until you put a smile on that scratchy face of yours. And while you wallow, I’m going to be here, waiting for your to show up and pay me back. In the future, instead of turning to your typical tools of the trade? Look me up, any day, any time. Come find me and we’ll work out some aggression together. No holds barred, anything goes, if you think that you can handle it.” She shrugs, uncaring of the answer. “You need to know a few things before I leave Knox and you can have your pity party for one. First, in the eyes of most of Carnage, Legion, roster, otherwise, you are already a champion. The only person that you have left to convince is your emo self. Second, ‘good’ isn’t a thing you are, it’s something that you do. Same can be said for, what was it? ‘Poison?’ ‘Toxic?’ You lost one contendership match Matt, just one. Everything else that you have done has been adding exclamation points to the continued tenure of your career. Take a look back and tell me Knox, through thick and thin, how many people have you encountered that have been willing to stand with you on the front lines? Fuck it man, I’m right here offering you company while you do your thing, I KNOW how lonely destruction is. I’ve felt it, that icy cold grasp it has on your soul. I’m not trying to BE you Knox, I’m not trying to walk in your shoes. I have my own to fill and I’ll be DAMNED if I take on your demons too without your help.”
She shakes her head and taps her boot against the door frame. “Whether you want them to or not, people care about you. Call yourself whatever name you’d like and I can PROMISE you that no one will share that sentiment. Mitch. Adrienne. Silvio…”
Mia looks up, “Me…” She shakes her head again. “I’m not here to pull you back from the brink. I’ve been there and I’ve come back. You’ve done the same, I see those ghosts in your eyes, we know our own. You do this on your own terms, you come find me and we’ll work out a better way, maybe . Until then…”
Mia waves half heartedly. “Happy drinking and for the record the only poison that you know at this rate? Is alcohol.”
Matthew stares after her defiantly, he raises the bottle in response.
"Cheers."