Post by thedragonlady on Oct 4, 2020 23:50:33 GMT -5
Pearl's voice was distant. I could barely make out what she said. "Mameha! Mameha! Oh God! Please!"
I laid Mameha down. My heart beat frantically. Please don't. Don't do this to me! I lifted my phone up and dialed 911 to get the paramedics to our apartment. I screamed into the phone. "Please just get here! I think she's having a heart attack!"
I dropped the phone then hearing dispatch vaguely still trying to communicate. They had what they needed. And they just needed to get here. I grabbed hold of Mamehas face. And tried. Just tried as the water flowed from my eyes and down my cheeks, to keep her with me.
Mameha weakly reached a hand to Pearl's face pushing hair from there. Then I heard her say weakly but clearly, "Please don't cry. Always remember, you, you saved me. Not the other way around." Her eyes lulled back then as I heard the front door open.
Things have not gone the way they should have tonight at CHAOS 99. I knew it. Mameha knew it. Everyone who was smart knew it. I was miserable after that match… that peace I had felt but a couple nights ago had disintegrated.
And when Mameha reached a hand out to me to try to wake me from this dream that just couldn't be real. No how no how… I even had a date tonight… but I forgot with the feelings that rushed through every vein in my body, that tonight was the night.
I felt her hand caress a shoulder of mine. An attempt to comfort me. And perhaps she had something wise to say to me at the time, but I ignored her. I shook her hand that laid softly on my shoulder away… and turned my back to her wanting to be left alone.
How could I? Why? Why did I do that? She made me forget about everything the moment she closed our apartment door behind us. I walked away. I tried to get away from her. Just Why? Why did I do that…
"Pearl," Mameha said. I turned slowly to face her to say exactly what was on my mind and how upset I was about just everything…. And as I began… "Mameha- tonight… was a freaking joke!" She just collapsed.
I rushed to her not remembering one thing that made my heart ache. For now… my soul ached. How could my soul hurt this much? I thought I already locked my heart away? How could my soul hurt so much more? I fell to my knees with my arms outstretched just in time to catch her falling body.
In that one moment, as I looked at Pearl, everything, just everything came flooding back to my mind. The pain I saw in Pearl's eyes. Eyes like water.
My mind took me someplace far away. I was in a car. That same old car. Nothing fancy. But it was my car. I was driving. Through that thick rain. I shouldn't have been in that car that day. And neither should she have been. And I could hear her sweet voice. Sayuri's voice. My Lily.
My daughter before Pearl. She was laughing and playing with a couple of stuffed animals. Making a conversation happen between a black bird and a dragon.
Her sweet laughter made me grin. She is perfect and innocent. Everything a young child should be. And then the car went flipping.
I had tried to swerve out of the way of a car driving recklessly on my side. But the rain that covered the roads just made the impact that much worse. I felt my head fly forwards and hit the dash.
After the car landed and I came to. My first thought went to Sayuri. I hadn't even heard her scream or cry. It was silent in the backseat.
I got out from my car after struggling a moment to open my door that was bent. Then I went to the back seat to my Sayuri. She laid there still and unmoving. No blood or bruises that I could see. If she wasn't in our wrecked car I would have thought she could be sleeping.
I pulled her then from her seat after taking her seatbelt off and cradled my daughter in my arms. She wasn't breathing. And then… my heart began to hurt. I fell to the ground on my knees holding her as sheets of rain fell. And not a one person could pry her from my grips as she laid limply in my arms.
The rain kept pouring as I cradled my sweet child in my arms close to my body. And I wept. Wept for her. My eyes closed as I screamed in pain. This unimaginable pain that ate everything up inside of me. I hurt.
And then… everything changed. I wasn't in the rain no more holding my dead daughter. I could hear her talking in the distance. I heard her laughing. "Ma! Ma!"
I followed her sweet voice. Through a field of tall green grass and herbs meant for healing. And I saw her there. Maybe a mile away. Standing in front of our old house waving to me. "Ma! I missed you. I missed you so much! Come this way ma! Ma!"
The sky was the most beautiful shade. A dark blue that you could only see just before the sun began to rise and brighten the night sky.
I let my fingertips touch the tall grass around me as I walked towards my daughter. And then I heard Pearl. "Mameha!" She had said in a cracked broken voice.
"Please don't leave me. Please not yet. Please! I need you!"
I stopped walking then and just stared at my Lily, still standing there laughing and waving at me. A peace I could never know, but only in dreams is what I saw. And then I closed my eyes. Tears coming down both my cheeks.
Before I was taken from that most peaceful place, I heard my Lily say into my ears, "It's okay mommy. I'll be waiting for you always."
I paced back and forth in the hospital's waiting room. Waiting to hear something. Anything about Mameha. And there it is.
A doctor came to me holding a clipboard. "Ms. Temples. We have your mother stabilized. She did indeed have a heart attack. But she is stable enough you can at least sit with her. She is not awake yet. But you may sit with her."
I nodded my head and he led me to her room. The doctor left to give me privacy as I just stood there looking at her. This is the most vulnerable I have ever seen her. She wasn't supposed to look like this. Like someone helpless.
Someone unable to move or fight if she had to. I sat there in a chair next to her and grabbed one of her hands and squeezed. I let my head drop forward and began to silently cry as I wished and hoped Mameha was still fighting even in the sleep state she is in.
While I sat there crying silently. Memories I usually ignored and tried to keep at bay came to mind. The one thing Frank ever did good for me was how he handled mom's funeral. He contacted and sent inquiries to everyone he could think of. And this memory I had was one of the very few times I saw Frank sober.
I remember being this little girl. And not really understanding exactly what was happening. We were in a church. A large church. With pews that went as far as the eye could see. At least to me that's how it looked.
Yua, my mom, she had a few distant relatives that traveled to the Americas to say goodbye. But what I didn't understand until much later is my mom had touched many people's lives.
Friends, coworkers, and bosses. People filled the pews to the very back of the church. There were so many. So many people I could not even count. The church had become packed with the people that loved Yua as much as I did and still do.
The place was so filled, I remember people standing because they could not find a seat. And everyone, absolutely everyone was crying. Or at least looked like they were trying to hold back tears that threatened to fall.
I remember turning around and sitting on my knees briefly to look at the people that sat and stood there. Just to see how many people loved her. My eyes were big as I watched everyone in my own little world amazed so many people could gather in one place at one time for one person.
When the priest had finished speaking, a group of men including Frank went to grab her casket to take out to a hearse. I had walked silently behind unable to process everything. Unable to realize my mama was truly gone.
I squeezed Mamehas hand tighter then as I remembered getting into a car with Frank. He looked sad. The saddest I had ever seen him. And he took my hand and just held it.
And through the back window you could see a line of cars that followed us to a cemetery to bury my mom. The rest is kind of a daze. Snippets and pieces I can't fully put together. I was too young. Too innocent to understand for this one moment in time, the world stopped spinning for me.
What I do remember is getting back in the car with Frank to leave. And it started raining. And not some drizzle. The wind had picked up, the clouds rolled in, and the rain began to pelt the car I sat in sounding as if stones were hitting us.
The last thing I remember saying to Frank was, "Why is it raining?"
And Frank replied, "Your mom is crying. She is sad everyone is hurting, when she has gotten to a place much better than here."
I grasped Mameha's hand, pleading to God, honestly to anyone who would listen. That I still needed Mameha. She could not leave me yet. I am not ready. Please. Please don't take her.
Much time later, I gasped then and squeezed Mameha's hand tighter just as her eye flickered open…
youtu.be/LRP8d7hhpoQ
I laid Mameha down. My heart beat frantically. Please don't. Don't do this to me! I lifted my phone up and dialed 911 to get the paramedics to our apartment. I screamed into the phone. "Please just get here! I think she's having a heart attack!"
I dropped the phone then hearing dispatch vaguely still trying to communicate. They had what they needed. And they just needed to get here. I grabbed hold of Mamehas face. And tried. Just tried as the water flowed from my eyes and down my cheeks, to keep her with me.
Mameha weakly reached a hand to Pearl's face pushing hair from there. Then I heard her say weakly but clearly, "Please don't cry. Always remember, you, you saved me. Not the other way around." Her eyes lulled back then as I heard the front door open.
Things have not gone the way they should have tonight at CHAOS 99. I knew it. Mameha knew it. Everyone who was smart knew it. I was miserable after that match… that peace I had felt but a couple nights ago had disintegrated.
And when Mameha reached a hand out to me to try to wake me from this dream that just couldn't be real. No how no how… I even had a date tonight… but I forgot with the feelings that rushed through every vein in my body, that tonight was the night.
I felt her hand caress a shoulder of mine. An attempt to comfort me. And perhaps she had something wise to say to me at the time, but I ignored her. I shook her hand that laid softly on my shoulder away… and turned my back to her wanting to be left alone.
How could I? Why? Why did I do that? She made me forget about everything the moment she closed our apartment door behind us. I walked away. I tried to get away from her. Just Why? Why did I do that…
"Pearl," Mameha said. I turned slowly to face her to say exactly what was on my mind and how upset I was about just everything…. And as I began… "Mameha- tonight… was a freaking joke!" She just collapsed.
I rushed to her not remembering one thing that made my heart ache. For now… my soul ached. How could my soul hurt this much? I thought I already locked my heart away? How could my soul hurt so much more? I fell to my knees with my arms outstretched just in time to catch her falling body.
In that one moment, as I looked at Pearl, everything, just everything came flooding back to my mind. The pain I saw in Pearl's eyes. Eyes like water.
My mind took me someplace far away. I was in a car. That same old car. Nothing fancy. But it was my car. I was driving. Through that thick rain. I shouldn't have been in that car that day. And neither should she have been. And I could hear her sweet voice. Sayuri's voice. My Lily.
My daughter before Pearl. She was laughing and playing with a couple of stuffed animals. Making a conversation happen between a black bird and a dragon.
Her sweet laughter made me grin. She is perfect and innocent. Everything a young child should be. And then the car went flipping.
I had tried to swerve out of the way of a car driving recklessly on my side. But the rain that covered the roads just made the impact that much worse. I felt my head fly forwards and hit the dash.
After the car landed and I came to. My first thought went to Sayuri. I hadn't even heard her scream or cry. It was silent in the backseat.
I got out from my car after struggling a moment to open my door that was bent. Then I went to the back seat to my Sayuri. She laid there still and unmoving. No blood or bruises that I could see. If she wasn't in our wrecked car I would have thought she could be sleeping.
I pulled her then from her seat after taking her seatbelt off and cradled my daughter in my arms. She wasn't breathing. And then… my heart began to hurt. I fell to the ground on my knees holding her as sheets of rain fell. And not a one person could pry her from my grips as she laid limply in my arms.
The rain kept pouring as I cradled my sweet child in my arms close to my body. And I wept. Wept for her. My eyes closed as I screamed in pain. This unimaginable pain that ate everything up inside of me. I hurt.
And then… everything changed. I wasn't in the rain no more holding my dead daughter. I could hear her talking in the distance. I heard her laughing. "Ma! Ma!"
I followed her sweet voice. Through a field of tall green grass and herbs meant for healing. And I saw her there. Maybe a mile away. Standing in front of our old house waving to me. "Ma! I missed you. I missed you so much! Come this way ma! Ma!"
The sky was the most beautiful shade. A dark blue that you could only see just before the sun began to rise and brighten the night sky.
I let my fingertips touch the tall grass around me as I walked towards my daughter. And then I heard Pearl. "Mameha!" She had said in a cracked broken voice.
"Please don't leave me. Please not yet. Please! I need you!"
I stopped walking then and just stared at my Lily, still standing there laughing and waving at me. A peace I could never know, but only in dreams is what I saw. And then I closed my eyes. Tears coming down both my cheeks.
Before I was taken from that most peaceful place, I heard my Lily say into my ears, "It's okay mommy. I'll be waiting for you always."
I paced back and forth in the hospital's waiting room. Waiting to hear something. Anything about Mameha. And there it is.
A doctor came to me holding a clipboard. "Ms. Temples. We have your mother stabilized. She did indeed have a heart attack. But she is stable enough you can at least sit with her. She is not awake yet. But you may sit with her."
I nodded my head and he led me to her room. The doctor left to give me privacy as I just stood there looking at her. This is the most vulnerable I have ever seen her. She wasn't supposed to look like this. Like someone helpless.
Someone unable to move or fight if she had to. I sat there in a chair next to her and grabbed one of her hands and squeezed. I let my head drop forward and began to silently cry as I wished and hoped Mameha was still fighting even in the sleep state she is in.
While I sat there crying silently. Memories I usually ignored and tried to keep at bay came to mind. The one thing Frank ever did good for me was how he handled mom's funeral. He contacted and sent inquiries to everyone he could think of. And this memory I had was one of the very few times I saw Frank sober.
I remember being this little girl. And not really understanding exactly what was happening. We were in a church. A large church. With pews that went as far as the eye could see. At least to me that's how it looked.
Yua, my mom, she had a few distant relatives that traveled to the Americas to say goodbye. But what I didn't understand until much later is my mom had touched many people's lives.
Friends, coworkers, and bosses. People filled the pews to the very back of the church. There were so many. So many people I could not even count. The church had become packed with the people that loved Yua as much as I did and still do.
The place was so filled, I remember people standing because they could not find a seat. And everyone, absolutely everyone was crying. Or at least looked like they were trying to hold back tears that threatened to fall.
I remember turning around and sitting on my knees briefly to look at the people that sat and stood there. Just to see how many people loved her. My eyes were big as I watched everyone in my own little world amazed so many people could gather in one place at one time for one person.
When the priest had finished speaking, a group of men including Frank went to grab her casket to take out to a hearse. I had walked silently behind unable to process everything. Unable to realize my mama was truly gone.
I squeezed Mamehas hand tighter then as I remembered getting into a car with Frank. He looked sad. The saddest I had ever seen him. And he took my hand and just held it.
And through the back window you could see a line of cars that followed us to a cemetery to bury my mom. The rest is kind of a daze. Snippets and pieces I can't fully put together. I was too young. Too innocent to understand for this one moment in time, the world stopped spinning for me.
What I do remember is getting back in the car with Frank to leave. And it started raining. And not some drizzle. The wind had picked up, the clouds rolled in, and the rain began to pelt the car I sat in sounding as if stones were hitting us.
The last thing I remember saying to Frank was, "Why is it raining?"
And Frank replied, "Your mom is crying. She is sad everyone is hurting, when she has gotten to a place much better than here."
I grasped Mameha's hand, pleading to God, honestly to anyone who would listen. That I still needed Mameha. She could not leave me yet. I am not ready. Please. Please don't take her.
Much time later, I gasped then and squeezed Mameha's hand tighter just as her eye flickered open…
youtu.be/LRP8d7hhpoQ