Breaking the Dam [Axton Gunn, Silvio Leon]
Sept 19, 2020 21:21:39 GMT -5
Admin, mystifyingoracle, and 1 more like this
Post by Axton Gunn on Sept 19, 2020 21:21:39 GMT -5
Adrienne, unfortunately, didn’t have the name of Silvio’s tattoo parlour; that was ok. She’d been the only person he thought he could ask and actually get a normal, civil answer from, but when that fell through he decided he could find a workaround. He knew Silvio well (better than most), and was fairly certain he could find the place based on that.
So when he moused over Witch Dagger Ink on maps, he was sure he’d found the right place.
Looking at the shop hours, he opted to stop by just before closing time. That way he wouldn’t be getting in the way in case Silvio had any clients today, and… he could just… talk to him without anyone else around.
His hands were shaking.
Swallowing the anxious lump in his throat, his whole body sore from the match at Chaos 98 and his head feeling even worse, he stepped out of the taxi in front of the little shop, pulling his well-loved P!ATD hoodie closer around his neck. He couldn’t stop replaying Fujihara’s words in his head over and over again.
The only way he’d ever ‘make up’ for anything was to leave and never come back.
To give up on this.
To say goodbye to Silvio, the only person he’d entrusted his heart to, forever.
To smile and wave at crowds in LA, fragile and heartbroken on the inside.
The only way it would be even would be if Fujihara and his friends had everything, and he had nothing.
He cursed the sting in his eyes that was already rising up, gritting his teeth behind his face mask and squeezing them shut; he took a few deep breaths, trying to clear his head. Just pretend it’s like old times, he thought. You’re going to the shop to see him. Maybe talk him into doing a flash for you. Just like before. Just like it was then.
Steeling his nerves, Axton lifted a shaking hand to the door, pushing it open with a soft ring of bells.
“Hey, welcome to Witch Dagger Ink! I’m just about to close up shop, but--”
At the sound of the door bell, Silvio looked up from his work station, smiling broadly. Laying eyes upon his potential client, however, he froze, eyes wide.
Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck.
His stomach twisted, and he felt his vision cloud around the edges, tunneling in on the man that had just walked through the door.
Go to him.
I missed you I missed you I missed you
“...Ax…”
Axton opened his mouth to speak, but found that Silvio smiling at him--however briefly--had robbed the air from his lungs, leaving him reeling. All of his preparation fell through his fingers, and he was left stunned and dumb.
For a moment he blinked owlishly, his eyes beginning to sting again. He took one step forward and let the door swing closed behind him with a soft click.
“... Hi.”
His voice cracked, which flustered him even worse, his distress visible on his face even with the mask on. He pulled it off, absently tucking it into his back pocket with a trembling hand.
“Is it a bad time to--can--can we talk?”
“No, no it’s not...it’s not a bad time, Ax.”
Snapping out of his stupor, he shook his head, leaving behind the work station and crossing the parlor floor to where the rock star was. He paused about a foot away from him, swallowing around a lump in his throat.
“Just...lemme...lemme lock up and...turn off the Open sign first.”
Axton's whole body was taut like a bowstring; with Silvio this close, he could smell the citrus on his skin. He could see new ink that had found him while he was gone.
“Y--... yeah.” The blonde stepped aside, his shoulders curled up, looking away almost shamefully. “Right.”
It took Silvio a moment to move, staring at Axton before shaking his head and maneuvering around him; closing up the shop for the sake of their privacy. Turning, his brow furrowed and he felt conflicting impulses tugging at him.
Hold him.
It doesn’t have to be like this why the fuck is it like this
“How...are you...getting settled in Baltimore alright..?”
Axton barely seemed to hear the question; it was one thing to stand across from Silvio in the ring, surrounded by jeering fans and bright lights… versus standing in a quiet shop, alone together. He felt like his heart was going to suicide dive through his ribs to the floor, ready to be stepped on.
“Sure,” he breathed, tentatively meeting his eyes. “This city sucks but that's… not important. I just--I really…”
Spit it out.
“I just really needed to see you.”
“I’m glad you came,” Silvio replied, reaching out to touch Axton’s shoulder. “I’ve wanted to talk with you but I figured you weren’t...really in a head space where you could do that yet.”
That just wasn’t Axton’s style. If he felt something, he had to feel it in its entirety; reach the highs and lows of whatever emotion had him in its grip.
Axton flinched but didn't move away; it was clear he was half-expecting Silvio to hit him or something. He was pretty sure he deserved it. He was avoiding Silvio's eyes now, when they were this close.
“I wasn't,” he admitted, his hands clenched at his sides. “But something happened and I just… I needed to see you. I need answers. I-I-I'm confused and and angry and hurt, I'm hurt, it hurts, and you're… you're the only person in this whole stupid city I trust to... to believe that.”
“I understand.”
Silvio drew his hand back at Axton’s flinch and gestured to a little alcove toward the back of the parlor; one with a plush, high-backed chair and wooden table.
“Do you want to sit down?”
“... Yeah.”
The confident rock star was gone; the man with Silvio in the tattoo parlour was just a vulnerable pounding heart, simply small and human.
Silvio nodded for Axton to follow, guiding him back to the little area of the parlor where he typically did his promos. He pulled out a chair for Axton at the little table across from the one he typically sat in.
“I have some sodas down here if you want something to drink,” he said softly. “Just...take your time right now.”
Ax took the offered seat; he settled down, pressing his hands to his face with a shaky sigh. Dragging them down, he tried to calm himself, but the anxious shaking wouldn't stop. His eyes were glazed with moisture, catching the parlour light.
“I've been such an ass,” he admits, his voice cracking again. He stares down at his hands, smiling humorlessly. “I know. I know I've been a colossal prick. I'm sorry. I was just so angry and confused and… I just wanted you to know what it felt like. But it didn't make me feel better.”
“This has been...awful.” The Oracle shook his head. “I figure the thing you’re talking about is you and Kohaku sniping at each other. Did...you want to talk about that with me?”
Axton nodded, his expression fading with despair.
“... Yeah. But in a minute, ok? I just...” His voice was cracking, coming apart at the seams. The dam was breaking. He struggles to blink back the threat of tears, twisting his hand into the cords of his hoodie.
“I just wanna know why you left me. I thought you might be dead. Sil I tried, I tried to call, I texted. I came by your old place, the studio where you were working, I asked your friends if they'd seen you… you just disappeared. You were gone... And and and then I saw you on TV with a bunch of new friends and what… what was I supposed to think…?”
Silvio’s eyelids sank shut, mouth twisting into a grimace as he sank back in his chair, fingers drumming against the arm rests.
“I can’t go into details,” he said slowly. “I’m sorry, but I just can’t.” Opening his eyes again, he looked to Axton and leaned forward. “And I can tell you I did it because I wanted to keep you safe, but I’ll understand if you don’t believe me or that’s not enough of an explanation. Honestly, I just...didn’t think I’d be that big a deal to you.” He shrugged, looking sheepish. “I didn’t think I was anyone you couldn’t just swap out. You’re a rock star; you can take your pick. Even when we were together, there were other people involved.” His voice tapered off and his gaze dropped before he looked up at Axton again. “I didn’t know you felt that strongly.”
Axton stared, lips parted; for once he couldn't find the words. Instead, tears finally welled in his eyes, and he couldn't find the strength to hold them back anymore.
“What?” His voice was wavering. “Of course you were a big deal to me. I told you everything. I shared everything. You made me feel safe. You were like me. I thought--I thought I fucked up.” He swallowed hard, looking up at him. “I thought if I told you, it'd scare you off and it'd be over. I thought because I never told you straight up that you… you got sick of waiting and left.”
“Ax, I...I didn’t think you told me anything you wouldn’t have told someone else you were close with. I’m sorry. Really. If I had known that’s how you felt, things would have been different.” Reaching out, he gently touched Axton’s hands with his. “What do I need to do to make this better?”
This time, Axton didn't flinch. He slowly wound his hands around Silvio's, looking down at them as tears continued to well, starting to trickle past his freckles. He looked so fragile.
“Just don't make me go. I don't wanna go back to that empty house and pretend I'm okay. Not yet. Please. I'm so sorry. I just want to be part of your life again... Please tell me there's some other way I can make up for everything...”
“Make you--? Ax, no! Jesus, no.” Getting to his feet, Silvio circled around the table, kneeling beside Axton’s seat. “When I got up there at 98 with Belle, I wasn’t just bullshitting. There is room for everyone at Carnage. That includes you. I don’t want you to go.”
Taking a deep breath and exhaling again through his nose, he murmured, “I missed you.”
The dam cracked and broke.
Axton couldn't even conjure the breath for words. The fact that Silvio missed him--that he didn't want him to leave--was the thing he needed to hear the most. He started to sob, curling over his lap until the crown of his head almost touched Silvio's, squeezing his hands like a lifeline. All he could think of was the big, empty house. It was quiet and so full of nothing; he was alone in it, like always. Nobody really cared. Nobody wanted him unless he was smiling and cheerful and funny. Nobody wanted him whole.
“I thought you didn't want me anymore,” he gasped, so quiet it was barely above a whisper. “I thought you didn't want me.”
“Who wouldn’t want you, Ax?” Silvio’s voice was warm and reassuring. “I never would have left like that if I thought you’d be alone. I just...guess I should listen to my friends’ advice and think a little more highly of myself.”
“You're amazing,” Axton breathed, trying his best to stop his tears. “Nobody ever just got me like you did. I'd never let anybody in that fast before… Nobody knew me like you did. You're… you're brave as fuck, you're hilarious, you have a thousand-watt smile and you're so considerate, you just make everyone around you want to be better… Even a little prick like me. When you were around I wasn't a fucking rock star. I was just Ax. That's all I ever needed to be to impress you.”
“You never have to impress me. You’re not some animal performing for my amusement. You’re a person with feelings. That’s what I care about.” He sighed, and drew a hand down his face. “But the people here I’ve gotten close to have only seen what happened on the screen. They don’t know you.”
Sitting up a bit, Ax scrubbed at his eyes in frustration, upset with himself for breaking down. At least it was in front of Silvio and not anybody else.
“What happened on the screen… That's TV. That's a show.” Tears caught in pale lashes, he opened them to look at Silvio, his head pounding. “I went after you in the ring because I wanted to play by your rules… Yours and your friends. I wanted to be part of it. You were having such a great time without me and I…” He stops himself, squeezing his eyes shut.
“I get it,” Silvio replied. “And...I want you to have a part of all of this, too. Jesus, you’re so well-suited for it. It’s just an evolutionary branch of rock star, really.” He smiled and touched Axton’s hand again. “You belong here.”
Axton returned the smile, but it was… sad. It was a nice thought, but...
He felt the twist of a knife in his chest. Scathing eyes.
“Your friends don't think so. They hate my guts now. Knox can't stand me. Mitch thinks I'm a kid. Kohaku basically wishes I'd disappear. I'm… I'm so tired of trying… I can't take it anymore. Pretending it doesn't hurt. Nothing I do or say is ever gonna be good enough.”
“So don’t try for them. This whole situation just needs time. Time for everyone to breathe. Things are accelerating around here in all different directions and sometimes it’s hard to keep up with it all. Knox was salty about me for a while, but he came around. Mitch thinks everybody’s a kid; he calls me a kid, too. And Ko…”
Silvio sighed, shaking his head.
“...Ko and I have to talk about this. I don’t like the people you two became on social media.”
Axton looked like he was trying to think of something to say, but he just ended up shrugging helplessly, his whole body seeming to sink.
“I just tried to ask… I just wanted to know why.”
“Why the match wasn’t enough?” Silvio asked. “I don’t know. He doesn’t seem the type to hold a grudge, but you did what you did to me. I know he had a match with you and beat you, but...maybe that just doesn’t settle things for him.”
“You saw what he said when I asked what would. He gets the world… And I go home to my empty house.”
“He may just need time for this all to cool off. And maybe he sees this as you trying to disrupt mine and his relationship. I feel like there’s a lot of miscommunication here; mismatch in comprehension and intention.” Silvio pinched the bridge of his nose. “But I’m not going to just pretend about what feelings I do or don’t have for anyone’s convenience.”
Axton felt his whole chest lurch and twist with exhaustion and despair; at one point, he'd really liked Kohaku. He'd thought he was cute, funny, kind. He'd wanted to be his friend, in the long run… but now, even thinking about him made him feel helpless and unwanted.
He drew in a breath, trying to collect himself with a small nod.
“I just… I just wanted to be part of it. Sil, when you were gone, I was so scared.”
“I get that,” the artist said. “But introducing yourself by dumping me on my head didn’t make the best first impression-”
“I know,” Axton whimpered, clutching his head, pushing both hands through his hair. “I do dumb shit when I'm upset. But it's fucking wrestling, Sil, that's how you play the game, it doesn't mean I deserve to be treated like subhuman garbage. To be told my feelings are fake and my words are empty. This is why I don't open up to people. How much am I supposed to take lying down before I've suffered enough? I can't. I can't do it anymore. I can't keep pretending I'm ok. I can't.”
“So don’t,” Silvio told him, reaching up to touch Axton’s hands clutched in his hair and slowly coaxing his fingers open. “I’m not going to judge you for that. Jesus, when have I ever asked you to fake it, Ax?”
Ax let Silvio take his hands again, shaking; he tried to steady his breathing.
“Never,” he murmured, opening his eyes to look at him through a watery haze. “You… you liked every part of me. You never asked for more or for less… You made the world feel warmer. You were the best thing that ever happened to me and when I lost you I…”
He swallowed the stone in his throat, a tear rolling down along the bridge of his nose.
“I thought I blew it… you were everything I needed and I couldn't say the words to make you stay.”
“Well, we’re here now, right? And I’m not going to make you go anywhere. Whatever needs to be done to make all of this okay - whatever we decide what that’s gonna look like - we’ll do it. Does that help?”
After a moment, taking a second or two to dry his face, the young musician nodded. It was a little shaky and lacked the confidence he so typically displayed, but… it was there.
“Thank you,” he murmured, squeezing Silvio's fingers. “I missed you so much.”
Reaching up with one hand, Silvio let his expression soften as he traced a fingertip along the border of Axton’s rose tattoo.
“I missed you, too, Summer Eyes.”
So when he moused over Witch Dagger Ink on maps, he was sure he’d found the right place.
Looking at the shop hours, he opted to stop by just before closing time. That way he wouldn’t be getting in the way in case Silvio had any clients today, and… he could just… talk to him without anyone else around.
His hands were shaking.
Swallowing the anxious lump in his throat, his whole body sore from the match at Chaos 98 and his head feeling even worse, he stepped out of the taxi in front of the little shop, pulling his well-loved P!ATD hoodie closer around his neck. He couldn’t stop replaying Fujihara’s words in his head over and over again.
The only way he’d ever ‘make up’ for anything was to leave and never come back.
To give up on this.
To say goodbye to Silvio, the only person he’d entrusted his heart to, forever.
To smile and wave at crowds in LA, fragile and heartbroken on the inside.
The only way it would be even would be if Fujihara and his friends had everything, and he had nothing.
He cursed the sting in his eyes that was already rising up, gritting his teeth behind his face mask and squeezing them shut; he took a few deep breaths, trying to clear his head. Just pretend it’s like old times, he thought. You’re going to the shop to see him. Maybe talk him into doing a flash for you. Just like before. Just like it was then.
Steeling his nerves, Axton lifted a shaking hand to the door, pushing it open with a soft ring of bells.
“Hey, welcome to Witch Dagger Ink! I’m just about to close up shop, but--”
At the sound of the door bell, Silvio looked up from his work station, smiling broadly. Laying eyes upon his potential client, however, he froze, eyes wide.
Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck.
His stomach twisted, and he felt his vision cloud around the edges, tunneling in on the man that had just walked through the door.
Go to him.
Tell him to fuck off.
I missed you I missed you I missed you
I just wanted normal why couldn’t I just have normal why couldn’t I
“...Ax…”
Axton opened his mouth to speak, but found that Silvio smiling at him--however briefly--had robbed the air from his lungs, leaving him reeling. All of his preparation fell through his fingers, and he was left stunned and dumb.
For a moment he blinked owlishly, his eyes beginning to sting again. He took one step forward and let the door swing closed behind him with a soft click.
“... Hi.”
His voice cracked, which flustered him even worse, his distress visible on his face even with the mask on. He pulled it off, absently tucking it into his back pocket with a trembling hand.
“Is it a bad time to--can--can we talk?”
“No, no it’s not...it’s not a bad time, Ax.”
Snapping out of his stupor, he shook his head, leaving behind the work station and crossing the parlor floor to where the rock star was. He paused about a foot away from him, swallowing around a lump in his throat.
“Just...lemme...lemme lock up and...turn off the Open sign first.”
Axton's whole body was taut like a bowstring; with Silvio this close, he could smell the citrus on his skin. He could see new ink that had found him while he was gone.
“Y--... yeah.” The blonde stepped aside, his shoulders curled up, looking away almost shamefully. “Right.”
It took Silvio a moment to move, staring at Axton before shaking his head and maneuvering around him; closing up the shop for the sake of their privacy. Turning, his brow furrowed and he felt conflicting impulses tugging at him.
Hold him.
Return the favor he paid you at 97.
It doesn’t have to be like this why the fuck is it like this
Ko will make you choose you know he will.
“How...are you...getting settled in Baltimore alright..?”
Axton barely seemed to hear the question; it was one thing to stand across from Silvio in the ring, surrounded by jeering fans and bright lights… versus standing in a quiet shop, alone together. He felt like his heart was going to suicide dive through his ribs to the floor, ready to be stepped on.
“Sure,” he breathed, tentatively meeting his eyes. “This city sucks but that's… not important. I just--I really…”
Spit it out.
“I just really needed to see you.”
“I’m glad you came,” Silvio replied, reaching out to touch Axton’s shoulder. “I’ve wanted to talk with you but I figured you weren’t...really in a head space where you could do that yet.”
That just wasn’t Axton’s style. If he felt something, he had to feel it in its entirety; reach the highs and lows of whatever emotion had him in its grip.
Axton flinched but didn't move away; it was clear he was half-expecting Silvio to hit him or something. He was pretty sure he deserved it. He was avoiding Silvio's eyes now, when they were this close.
“I wasn't,” he admitted, his hands clenched at his sides. “But something happened and I just… I needed to see you. I need answers. I-I-I'm confused and and angry and hurt, I'm hurt, it hurts, and you're… you're the only person in this whole stupid city I trust to... to believe that.”
“I understand.”
Silvio drew his hand back at Axton’s flinch and gestured to a little alcove toward the back of the parlor; one with a plush, high-backed chair and wooden table.
“Do you want to sit down?”
“... Yeah.”
The confident rock star was gone; the man with Silvio in the tattoo parlour was just a vulnerable pounding heart, simply small and human.
Silvio nodded for Axton to follow, guiding him back to the little area of the parlor where he typically did his promos. He pulled out a chair for Axton at the little table across from the one he typically sat in.
“I have some sodas down here if you want something to drink,” he said softly. “Just...take your time right now.”
Ax took the offered seat; he settled down, pressing his hands to his face with a shaky sigh. Dragging them down, he tried to calm himself, but the anxious shaking wouldn't stop. His eyes were glazed with moisture, catching the parlour light.
“I've been such an ass,” he admits, his voice cracking again. He stares down at his hands, smiling humorlessly. “I know. I know I've been a colossal prick. I'm sorry. I was just so angry and confused and… I just wanted you to know what it felt like. But it didn't make me feel better.”
“This has been...awful.” The Oracle shook his head. “I figure the thing you’re talking about is you and Kohaku sniping at each other. Did...you want to talk about that with me?”
Axton nodded, his expression fading with despair.
“... Yeah. But in a minute, ok? I just...” His voice was cracking, coming apart at the seams. The dam was breaking. He struggles to blink back the threat of tears, twisting his hand into the cords of his hoodie.
“I just wanna know why you left me. I thought you might be dead. Sil I tried, I tried to call, I texted. I came by your old place, the studio where you were working, I asked your friends if they'd seen you… you just disappeared. You were gone... And and and then I saw you on TV with a bunch of new friends and what… what was I supposed to think…?”
Silvio’s eyelids sank shut, mouth twisting into a grimace as he sank back in his chair, fingers drumming against the arm rests.
“I can’t go into details,” he said slowly. “I’m sorry, but I just can’t.” Opening his eyes again, he looked to Axton and leaned forward. “And I can tell you I did it because I wanted to keep you safe, but I’ll understand if you don’t believe me or that’s not enough of an explanation. Honestly, I just...didn’t think I’d be that big a deal to you.” He shrugged, looking sheepish. “I didn’t think I was anyone you couldn’t just swap out. You’re a rock star; you can take your pick. Even when we were together, there were other people involved.” His voice tapered off and his gaze dropped before he looked up at Axton again. “I didn’t know you felt that strongly.”
Axton stared, lips parted; for once he couldn't find the words. Instead, tears finally welled in his eyes, and he couldn't find the strength to hold them back anymore.
“What?” His voice was wavering. “Of course you were a big deal to me. I told you everything. I shared everything. You made me feel safe. You were like me. I thought--I thought I fucked up.” He swallowed hard, looking up at him. “I thought if I told you, it'd scare you off and it'd be over. I thought because I never told you straight up that you… you got sick of waiting and left.”
“Ax, I...I didn’t think you told me anything you wouldn’t have told someone else you were close with. I’m sorry. Really. If I had known that’s how you felt, things would have been different.” Reaching out, he gently touched Axton’s hands with his. “What do I need to do to make this better?”
This time, Axton didn't flinch. He slowly wound his hands around Silvio's, looking down at them as tears continued to well, starting to trickle past his freckles. He looked so fragile.
“Just don't make me go. I don't wanna go back to that empty house and pretend I'm okay. Not yet. Please. I'm so sorry. I just want to be part of your life again... Please tell me there's some other way I can make up for everything...”
“Make you--? Ax, no! Jesus, no.” Getting to his feet, Silvio circled around the table, kneeling beside Axton’s seat. “When I got up there at 98 with Belle, I wasn’t just bullshitting. There is room for everyone at Carnage. That includes you. I don’t want you to go.”
Taking a deep breath and exhaling again through his nose, he murmured, “I missed you.”
The dam cracked and broke.
Axton couldn't even conjure the breath for words. The fact that Silvio missed him--that he didn't want him to leave--was the thing he needed to hear the most. He started to sob, curling over his lap until the crown of his head almost touched Silvio's, squeezing his hands like a lifeline. All he could think of was the big, empty house. It was quiet and so full of nothing; he was alone in it, like always. Nobody really cared. Nobody wanted him unless he was smiling and cheerful and funny. Nobody wanted him whole.
“I thought you didn't want me anymore,” he gasped, so quiet it was barely above a whisper. “I thought you didn't want me.”
“Who wouldn’t want you, Ax?” Silvio’s voice was warm and reassuring. “I never would have left like that if I thought you’d be alone. I just...guess I should listen to my friends’ advice and think a little more highly of myself.”
“You're amazing,” Axton breathed, trying his best to stop his tears. “Nobody ever just got me like you did. I'd never let anybody in that fast before… Nobody knew me like you did. You're… you're brave as fuck, you're hilarious, you have a thousand-watt smile and you're so considerate, you just make everyone around you want to be better… Even a little prick like me. When you were around I wasn't a fucking rock star. I was just Ax. That's all I ever needed to be to impress you.”
“You never have to impress me. You’re not some animal performing for my amusement. You’re a person with feelings. That’s what I care about.” He sighed, and drew a hand down his face. “But the people here I’ve gotten close to have only seen what happened on the screen. They don’t know you.”
Sitting up a bit, Ax scrubbed at his eyes in frustration, upset with himself for breaking down. At least it was in front of Silvio and not anybody else.
“What happened on the screen… That's TV. That's a show.” Tears caught in pale lashes, he opened them to look at Silvio, his head pounding. “I went after you in the ring because I wanted to play by your rules… Yours and your friends. I wanted to be part of it. You were having such a great time without me and I…” He stops himself, squeezing his eyes shut.
“I get it,” Silvio replied. “And...I want you to have a part of all of this, too. Jesus, you’re so well-suited for it. It’s just an evolutionary branch of rock star, really.” He smiled and touched Axton’s hand again. “You belong here.”
Axton returned the smile, but it was… sad. It was a nice thought, but...
He felt the twist of a knife in his chest. Scathing eyes.
“Your friends don't think so. They hate my guts now. Knox can't stand me. Mitch thinks I'm a kid. Kohaku basically wishes I'd disappear. I'm… I'm so tired of trying… I can't take it anymore. Pretending it doesn't hurt. Nothing I do or say is ever gonna be good enough.”
“So don’t try for them. This whole situation just needs time. Time for everyone to breathe. Things are accelerating around here in all different directions and sometimes it’s hard to keep up with it all. Knox was salty about me for a while, but he came around. Mitch thinks everybody’s a kid; he calls me a kid, too. And Ko…”
Silvio sighed, shaking his head.
“...Ko and I have to talk about this. I don’t like the people you two became on social media.”
Axton looked like he was trying to think of something to say, but he just ended up shrugging helplessly, his whole body seeming to sink.
“I just tried to ask… I just wanted to know why.”
“Why the match wasn’t enough?” Silvio asked. “I don’t know. He doesn’t seem the type to hold a grudge, but you did what you did to me. I know he had a match with you and beat you, but...maybe that just doesn’t settle things for him.”
“You saw what he said when I asked what would. He gets the world… And I go home to my empty house.”
“He may just need time for this all to cool off. And maybe he sees this as you trying to disrupt mine and his relationship. I feel like there’s a lot of miscommunication here; mismatch in comprehension and intention.” Silvio pinched the bridge of his nose. “But I’m not going to just pretend about what feelings I do or don’t have for anyone’s convenience.”
Axton felt his whole chest lurch and twist with exhaustion and despair; at one point, he'd really liked Kohaku. He'd thought he was cute, funny, kind. He'd wanted to be his friend, in the long run… but now, even thinking about him made him feel helpless and unwanted.
He drew in a breath, trying to collect himself with a small nod.
“I just… I just wanted to be part of it. Sil, when you were gone, I was so scared.”
“I get that,” the artist said. “But introducing yourself by dumping me on my head didn’t make the best first impression-”
“I know,” Axton whimpered, clutching his head, pushing both hands through his hair. “I do dumb shit when I'm upset. But it's fucking wrestling, Sil, that's how you play the game, it doesn't mean I deserve to be treated like subhuman garbage. To be told my feelings are fake and my words are empty. This is why I don't open up to people. How much am I supposed to take lying down before I've suffered enough? I can't. I can't do it anymore. I can't keep pretending I'm ok. I can't.”
“So don’t,” Silvio told him, reaching up to touch Axton’s hands clutched in his hair and slowly coaxing his fingers open. “I’m not going to judge you for that. Jesus, when have I ever asked you to fake it, Ax?”
Ax let Silvio take his hands again, shaking; he tried to steady his breathing.
“Never,” he murmured, opening his eyes to look at him through a watery haze. “You… you liked every part of me. You never asked for more or for less… You made the world feel warmer. You were the best thing that ever happened to me and when I lost you I…”
He swallowed the stone in his throat, a tear rolling down along the bridge of his nose.
“I thought I blew it… you were everything I needed and I couldn't say the words to make you stay.”
“Well, we’re here now, right? And I’m not going to make you go anywhere. Whatever needs to be done to make all of this okay - whatever we decide what that’s gonna look like - we’ll do it. Does that help?”
After a moment, taking a second or two to dry his face, the young musician nodded. It was a little shaky and lacked the confidence he so typically displayed, but… it was there.
“Thank you,” he murmured, squeezing Silvio's fingers. “I missed you so much.”
Reaching up with one hand, Silvio let his expression soften as he traced a fingertip along the border of Axton’s rose tattoo.
“I missed you, too, Summer Eyes.”
[Thank you as always to Silvio Leon for the collab, always a privilege <3]