Even from a very young age, he’d loved to take center stage; whether it was putting on costumed plays or puppet shows for his friends, singing in the car, or dancing his heart out while his mom clapped along to the music, he’d always be ready. There was something magical about being the focus of everyone in the room, even for just a few minutes. It was a feeling he chased every day.
There was a flip-side to performance, however. Art, some people would tell you, was the craft of using lies to tell a truth; Axton was a master craftsman. While the rambunctious, fun-loving, energetic wild boy was far from an act, it was a carefully selected vignette of the whole picture. There were parts of the canvas in the painting of his self that were… well, ugly. Unfinished. Things he just didn’t want most people to see.
After all, who wanted to spend time with someone sad and dull? Someone troubled or anxious or lonely?
It took a tremendous amount of energy to maintain that vignette, though; it felt like constantly rushing to pull up curtains, close doors, turn off lights. Sometimes it was overwhelming. This was one of those nights when Axton Gunn was just too damn tired to pretend everything was okay.
He wasn’t sure what set if off. Sometimes it wasn’t anything he could pinpoint. It might’ve been the frustrations of recent losses. Maybe the sight of that brand new truck in front of Dom’s apartment. Maybe the lingering sensation of homicidal rage he’d felt in the presence of Sebastian’s father… maybe it was a hangover of guilt for what he’d done to Silvio, or anger on behalf of Adrienne. Could have been the sound of Jon’s tortured sobbing still sitting deep in his ears after a long night and a very, very difficult choice. Perhaps the stinging words of opponents who had called him fake, a liar, and refused him any chance to rebuke. Maybe it was being called a child one too many times, or the feeling of trying to prove himself to a concrete wall of a man who refused to change his opinion and had a public history of not being there for his goddamn kids--
-- Axton hissed, slamming a bottle of gin down on the kitchen island. He retrieved a glass and a bottle of ginger beer from the fridge, mixing himself a triple from which he took an immediate, angry swig.
It was everything. It was just goddamn everything.
Trying not to disturb his Aussie Shepherds sleeping in the main room, Axton took the glass and the bottle along with it for good measure, heading down to the den of his rented bungalow. The carved wooden clock on the wall, minutes ticking along, counted nearly to midnight. With the stereo on and the lights dim, the Rockstar drank, his phone in one hand letting him feel just a little bit less alone.
It didn’t take him long to get into the realm of tipsy.
Laying back on the den sofa in his t-shirt and boxer briefs, the brutal bruises from his last in-ring pummeling bloomed purple and blue in the low light. Everything still hurt, even if he put on a smile and went back to practicing, back to training. It was a different kind of pain. At least when he hurt himself doing something dumb--like jumping off a stage, or trying some stupid stunt--he only had himself to blame. Those aches were just reminders of the adrenaline rush in the moment. These ones… they just hurt. While he was proud that he hadn’t quit despite his entire body crying for him to lie down, he was still sore because of choices some other dipshit made, and that didn’t sit well with him.
He scowled at his phone, grimacing as he shifted and his ribs complained. Another swig of gin.
Yeah, so, being on Twitter and texting didn’t really count as drinking with company… he knew it was a bad idea to drink by himself, but he was always full of bad ideas. What was new?
Should he have called a friend? Probably… but Sebastian was dealing with all that legal stuff right now. Adrienne? He didn’t want her to see him like this. Silvio had bigger things to focus on right now and didn’t need this kind of added stress--Sil always had that habit of putting himself second, and Axton wasn’t about to let him do it again. Dom…
Fucking Dom.
Axton let out a sharp tsk to himself as he stopped scrolling his contacts, staring at Dominick’s name. That goddamn truck… Axton had asked him not to take anything from St. James. He’d asked him personally, he’d offered to just give him the money, he’d offered a loan if it wouldn’t hurt his pride, anything--and the bastard hadn’t listened. Now he was acting all question-dodgy and tense, and Ax was starting to wonder if he was just wrong about the guy. Maybe he wasn’t the anchor of reason they needed and maybe he was just a boulder on a chain--
-- Axton’s thumb hovered over Dom’s name. He should call him. Give him a piece of his mind. Chew him out for acting all fucked up and putting the team in a pit like this. Tell him he was gonna kick his ass at the next…
… Chaos.
Axton’s eyes softened as a notification popped up on his phone. It was a reply to a tweet he’d sent the day before… a reply from Jon.
Thank you for all your help Ax. It's meant the world to me.
His rage simmered.
Axton sat up slowly, staring at the notification until it gently slid away, leaving the screen on his contacts again.
Jon.
His name was just a couple of lines down from Dominick’s. As his attention shifted toward it, something twisted up in his chest; it was different from the heartache, from the frustration. It was so different from the helplessness, the desperation to be wanted that plagued him perpetually… it was something warm. Something welcome. Joy mixed with yearning. Like when he’d held Silvio’s hands again for the first time. The feeling swept away the last of his fury and left him… weary. Wanting. Lonely.
In that moment, Axton Gunn turned his back on anger and chose joy.
Tapping the ‘call’ button next to Jon’s name, he pressed the phone to his temple, staring up at the ceiling with glazed eyes and shaky breaths while it rang against his ear.
Almost as soon as the phone began to ring, Axton heard a click and the voice of Jon Willis answering him.
“Hey, rockstar. How’s life treating you tonight?”
“Hey! Hi. Jon. Heh, oh my god. You’re still awake. Sorry.” Axton’s voice wavered, and he wished it didn’t. He swallowed the knot in his throat and tried to steady himself despite the gin weakening his cover. That vignette of personality was dangerously close to breaking down.
“Yeah, I’ve always been a bit of a night owl. You spend enough long nights and late flights heading to the next gig, and your body just says ‘OK, fine, this is who you are now. Hope you’re happy.’ I’m sure you can relate.”
“Heh. Yeah, not a big change from tour life. I uh… I wanted to check on you, make sure everything’s… you… you know…”
Axton sighed, squeezing his eyes shut. That wasn’t the reason he called. He thought of that moment at Jon’s place, when he’d been so tempted to let the night collapse into another romp in the sheets to avoid thinking about it; to run, again, from being open. From vulnerability. With distance in the way, he couldn’t use that escape. It was probably a good thing--if it happened again he wasn’t sure if he could say no--but in the moment, it was paralyzing.
Just be honest. You can do this. He deserves the truth, doesn’t he?
“E-everything’s kind of a lot right now, I’m tired and fucked up about it and I kinda just... needed to hear your voice for a little bit.”
Jon’s tone softened over the phone.
“I know, Ax. Believe me I know. You’ve been there for me every step of the way and I can’t possibly thank you enough for that. Of course I want to be there for you too. For anything. For everything. I’ll stay on as long as you need me.”
“Yeah…? I know it’s late, but…” Axton shifted uncomfortably on the couch, pushing a hand into his hair so his palm covered his eyes. “You sure? I’m just… I’ve been drinking, and I’m kind of a mess and I feel like an idiot and I don’t think I should be alone right now… well, physically yeah, for sure I should be, but if you don’t mind staying up with me...”
“Of course. Anything you need. You don’t ever need a reason to want to spend time with me, Ax. I promise I’ll always be there for you. Plus you’re giving me another excuse to talk about myself again, and you know how much I love doing that.”
Jonathan laughed, light and uplifting, trying his best to soothe Axton’s troubled mind and tired soul in the same way that Axton recently did for him.
“Heh… Same, though. God you're sweet, gonna give me cavities.”
Axton felt himself buckle with relief; he rolled onto his side, facing the couch cushions with his phone cradled under his ear like a well-kept secret.
“Thank you,” he murmured, a tired smile audible in his voice.
“Did you know that I started my career wrestling under a mask in Mexico six months into my two years of training at Lucha Libre school? My coach Ronnie always told me that there’s no better way to get better at wrestling than to actually wrestle. So his wife made this super elaborate homemade costume for me, and I started touring the Mexican independents with all the other trainees. My name was 'El Dragón Atemporal del Infinito', 'The Timeless Dragon of Infinity', and my arch-nemesis was another trainee, 'El Dragón Negro del Vacío', 'The Black Dragon of the Void'.”
“Holy shit. That's dope.”
“I remember this one time in Guadalajara…”
Axton wasn’t sure how long they talked; it was just… easy, to give up the time, to let it melt away into conversation in soft voices. The topic drifted from Jon’s days in Mexico to the upcoming wrestling match, to tentative plans for a post-win celebration, over to Axton's last tour, to trading more travel stories that made them both laugh. At some point he’d relocated to his bed in a mirror of where Jon was, curled up around one of his pillows... and at some point, he nodded off, peace of mind bringing him a deep, exhausted sleep.
On the other end of the line, Jon paused the story he was telling as he heard soft snores coming from Axton’s side of the conversation.
“Ax? You still with me, brother?”
Jon continued to hear the sound of Axton snoring quietly and contentedly in his sleep; he chuckled lightly before speaking.
“Goodnight, Ax.”
And then, right before Jon hung up, he said something quietly, just above a whisper, just barely loud enough for the phone to catch it.
“I love you.”
Jon hangs up the phone, leaving Axton to his dreams. Some small part of him must have heard it--or at least the sentiment--because he sighed deeply, nuzzling into his pillows with a faint smile.
The light of Axton’s phone went out, taking with it the last of his heartache for the night, sending him somewhere sweeter until morning.
“Hey little Stars! What’s up!”
Axton grins into the camera of his phone, holding it at arm’s length. He’s sprawled out on the bed in his AirBnB on a red plaid comforter, cozy in a soft cotton Rock Lobster t-shirt, his hair mussed against the covers. There’s a bit of gold glitter highlighting his cheekbones and eyes, which are illuminated by the early afternoon sun pouring in from the nearby window.
The live Instagram feed explodes with emojis--hearts and laughs and thumbs up. The chat bubble in the corner begins to ripple with comments immediately.
“Hi Axton!!!!” “Omg FRECKLES” “ROCKSTAR FTW!!!!” “Come back to LA “ “Ax play wonderwall” “U look so cute omg!!!”
Axton’s eyes flicker occasionally toward the feed, making a mental note of the commentary as he goes on. He sighs and settles in a bit, holding the phone up as he scratches his jaw with his free hand.
“It’s getting cold up here. I miss LA but guys, I get to maybe have a white Christmas this year. Awesome, right?” He looks toward the window and back again, his excitement clear. “So cool. I haven’t seen snow since I was in Seattle a few years ago. I was thinking if it snows enough I could do like a mini shoot to use in a music video later. Real quick, who wants a Christmas album?”
Another explosion of hearts. Axton looks delighted.
“Noted.” He winks, and pushes his hair back from his face.
“Before that though, I wanted to say sorry for how things panned out in the last match. I didn’t wanna worry you lovelies, but you must’ve had a hard time watching ya boi get turned into mat paste back there…”
“Omg sad sibs suck “ “Are u ok?” “Not the face not the face!!!” “She jealous ur prettier than her” “Is her costume breathable tho?”
Axton stretches a bit and rolls his shoulders, giving his fans a confident smirk. “Don’t worry, nothing’s broken. And you saw Jon sweep in and save my ass back there. What a charmer, huh? That win felt amazing. I know he’s gonna have my back at this match coming up. Hoo boy…”
The musician laughs uncomfortably and switches his phone to the other hand, tugging at his shirt collar. The flash of collarbone and a silver chain triggers another small wave of hearts and thumbs up.
“I guess I gotta fight my friends. Sebastian, Dominick... I love them to pieces, but somehow we ended up against each other chasing this friggin' tag title shot. I mean… sometimes that’s just what happens, you know? Sometimes you... disagree on something, or you just end up on opposite sides for whatever reason… fighting a friend always sucks but you can’t just keep that shit bottled up. Someone’s gonna go off.”
“Go off King!!!! Yass!!!!” “Ur new friends are so cute” “I bought an Entourage shirt!!!!” “Is Sebastian single???”
Axton is quiet for a moment, his brow knit. He looks thoughtful.
“... Maybe that’s just how it’s gotta be. Sometimes you gotta be the guy. The one who tears the bandaid off. Because you’re not gonna feel better, either of you, until you get it out of your system… and then who knows, maybe you’ll be ready to deal with it right after that. I hope.” He looks up, biting his bottom lip. “But I didn’t go live just to bum you guys out. You’ll see how things pan out at the next Chaos, if you’re keeping up with the wrasslin’. For now… let’s keep it light. I just wanna chill out with you guys, you know? You make me happy.”
The Rockstar sits up with a sigh, balancing the phone up on the headboard. He sits back, settling cross-legged as he pulls his acoustic guitar up from beside the bed, resting it in his lap. His fingers tickle the strings and he grins, seeing the chat explode with excitement at the sight of the instrument.
Post by The Madness Menagerie on Nov 22, 2020 23:52:11 GMT -5
“I just think it would be a good idea for our overall image and it wouldn't be a bad idea to spread some joy into the world.”
Sebastian stands in front of his apartment complex looking perplexed as Axton Gunn and Dominick Strife stand before him, both of them looking dubious over his idea of going to the hospital to “cheer up” JC.
“I honestly just don’t like the guy.” Axton looked carefully at Seb, not wanting to upset his friend, but at the same time unwilling to do anything for a person who hasn’t done much to warrant anything more than maybe a passing head bob by way of greeting. Maybe. “He’s said some shit that rubbed me the wrong way… and I just got a text from Jon, sounds like he’s having a hard time. Sorry to dip… I’ll make it up to you guys later. Cross my heart.”
Sebastian can’t help but feel helpless as Axton bids his farewells, Seb sucking it up as much as possible in order to make sure his friend knew he didn’t take the snub personally. With their impending contendership match coming up, Sebastian couldn’t help but be excited about the match. Who else to have an absolute show stealing match with than good friends? Still, since forming The Entourage, Seb couldn’t help but feel mildly slighted that Axton was spending most of his time plotting with Willis than hanging out with Dom and Seb.
Hawke just missed having his friends around at all points.
“Earth to Sea Bass?”
Sebastian shakes his head, his focus returning to Dom. “Yeah, I’m good, just miss Ax being here, ya know? Like, Willis and him, you and me… We’ll create magic with each other, but why should we have to carry the entire division on these…” Sebastian pauses to count, “Eight shoulders? Guess that’s what happens when the champions have no actual competition…”
His voice fades off as he gazes off into space again and Dom snaps his fingers to bring Sebastian back down to Earth, again.
“Hey. Speaking of teams, you and I have something to talk about to get back on the same page.”
Sebastian forces himself to abandon his thoughts of championship gold and refocus on Dom.
“Alright, what’s up?”
Dominick grimaces. “Look… You and Silvio. He and Amber are responsible for snapping our win streak, and they did that after flattening me to get the pin. Instead of checking on your team, right away you go and check in with the guy who literally…”
He sighs. “I just wish that you had said something, before going and getting chummy with a guy who just defeated us. Especially a guy who clearly doesn’t need any help on his road to success.”
Sebastian’s gaze rested on Dom as he took in everything his tag partner was saying. Finally everything clicked, “You’re talking about me going to him after the match and making nice with him about something that happened before you and I even met?”
Dominick avoids Sebastian’s gaze for a moment.
Seb continues. “Losing sucks, I get that, but that’s no reason to not make friends along the way. Every loss carries with it a lesson and ours at last Chaos was nothing more than just a reminder to go about our business with a little bit of humility. That’s all this journey has been about for me, learning to be humble.”
“It was just bad timing,” Dominick grumbles, scratching his neck. “You could’ve waited and done that on your own time instead of ours.”
Sebastian looks helplessly at Dom, his eyes conveying a need for understanding, “I screwed up when I came in here. I thought I was bigger than I was because people knew me in some backyard federation where nothing mattered. I said some things about Silvio and being the mystical being that he is, he happened to show up to hear everything that was said about him. Dude has hearing like a bat or something…”
Sebastian hopes his joke will track, but he plows forward in response to the unimpressed look on Dom’s face.
“Anyways, after meeting you and Ax, I decided that I wanted nothing more out of this than to have fun, make a name, and meet some friends along the way that share in that same vision. Winning is great and all, but it isn’t EVERYTHING. Besides, that match had absolutely no effect on our contendership for the gold. It was more to see if we had what it takes to stand toe to toe with two people who are pillars in this company. Dom…” Sebastian grabs his partner by the shoulder and forces him to meet his gaze, “We did that. We stood toe to toe with them and put on a match that most would be envious of. We have… YOU have nothing to be upset over. We did our best and we’ll be able to come up with a better game plan for next time now that we got that initial match out of the way. Hell, once we win those titles we can have a rematch and show that we can actually learn from our mistakes.”
He smiles, hoping his words would sink in. Sebastian smiles hopefully but Dom pulls away, looking frustrated.
“I’m… listen, dude. I can’t be like you right now. I have things I have to take care of; you go ahead.”
Sebastian watches as Dominick slips away after another fleeting attempt at a farewell. An uneasy feeling washes over Seb as he watches Dom walk away, wishing that had gone differently. Sighing heavily he unlocks his rental and gets into the driver’s seat, looking wistfully at the passenger seat.
After everything was said and done, maybe it was really him that needed the cheering up. Cranking the music as high as it could go, Sebastian speeds off toward the hospital JC is staying at.
“The Hospital”
“JC’s room please?”
Sebastian smiles pleasantly at the receptionist, as she clicks in her computer after rolling her eyes. Figuring she was just overworked, Sebastian chose to ignore her rude attempt to dismiss him as she squints at the computer.
“Are you a friend or are you family?”
Sebastian blinks slowly, “Uhm, co-worker?” He hadn’t really considered needing a relationship with someone in order to visit a hospital, but then again, he had never really gone to an actual hospital. Taking in the sights, sounds, and smells of the building was definitely an eye opening experience.
“Sir, there is no ‘JC’ listed as a patient people are able to visit. Are you sure he hasn’t been discharged?”
Sebastian blinks slowly considering the question and kicks himself mentally for not thinking to check this out beforehand. “Anything is possible I guess? Does your file say anything about him being discharged?”
The nurse rolls her eyes, obviously getting more annoyed by the second by a person that should know these things, but obviously didn’t. “Sir, even if that information WAS in here, I COULDN’T give it to you because you are not friend or family. The privacy of our patients is important and it isn’t like we can just give out secure information without jeopardizing our own jobs and well being. Now if you don’t mind stepping out of my line. I have a room full of sick patients, during a pandemic, and am dreadfully understaffed to the point I haven’t had a day off in seven days.”
Sebastian holds his hands up in surrender, his eyes wide at the realization of his offense. “Sorry! I… I just didn’t kn…”
“It’s FINE. I’m sorry for yelling but I NEED to get people checked in.” The overworked nurse tries to smile apologetically at Sebastian who backs off, unsure what to say. Without paying attention to what he was doing though, he backs right into a pair of feet and suddenly he hears, “OW!”
To Sebastian’s horror as he jumps and turns, there is a boy, about fifteen years old with a baseball cap on, is glaring at him while rubbing their foot in obvious pain.
“Sorry! My bad! God I’m just so clumsy! Sorry! Name is Sebastian, can I help?”
Seb rushes forward but the offended party only holds up a hand in protest, shaking their head. “Nah dude, you’re good. Pranking on a celebrity just happened to be on my bucket list.” Obviously proud, the boy stands and smiles at Sebastian.
“My name’s Frankie. Frankie Jennings.”
Frankie holds his hand out for Sebastian to shake and Seb is only too happy to take it in earnest; forever happy that he didn’t just do any permanent damage to a fifteen year old.
“Hey. Sorry again for your foot if I did hurt you. But yeah, uhm… My name is Sebastian Haw…”
Frankie stops him with a slight laugh as he breaks away and plops down in the nearest chair, leaving Seb to rub the back of his neck awkwardly.
“Hawke. Yeah man, I watch you every show…”
Sitting back, Frankie holds his coat open to reveal The Entourage t-shirt he was wearing. Sebastian’s eyes grow wide.
“We’re… I’m on a shirt?! That’s fucking…” He casts a look at Frankie, and then around to the rest of the room as he starts to draw irritated looks. He waves in forgiveness and sits down quietly next to Frankie before lowering his voice, “I mean, that’s freaking awesome!”
Frankie barely contains his laughter as he waves his hand at Seb in protest. “Dude, you really are as awkward as they say on the dirt sheets. No worries though, I just can’t comprehend how lucky I am to be sitting next to you right now in this place of all the places…” He waves his hand around as Seb trails it with his eyes. Taking the hint, Sebastian fishes his keys out of his pocket.
“You want to get out of this place then? Somewhere a bit less on the…” He casts a look around and catches himself before saying something he’d end up regretting. Blushing slightly, Sebastian lowers his voice, “You want to get some lunch or something? If… Do you have parents? Do you have to get permission or something? I could sign something maybe… I might have a pen somewhere…”
Sebastian fumbles around, patting himself down for a pen while Frankie can’t help but laugh. Through his giggles Frankie manages to say, “Nah man, I’m good at the moment. My parents are waiting to check me in, got an appointment to see my doc. Thanks though…”
Sebastian stops fumbling and offers a fist bump to Frankie who excitedly bumps it back, again unable to fully believe that this was happening to him right now. Sebastian turns to leave before turning back, as if forgetting something.
“Listen, Frankie, I didn’t really know I had fans, let alone ones that are willing to wear my face on a shirt. Think Ax and Dom would really enjoy meeting you as much as I have. Gonna try and get your name on a list so you can get backstage at some point…”
Unsuccessful in finding a pen, Sebastian grabs his phone instead, “How about we swap numbers and you can just let me know the next time you can get to a show? I’ll get you on a list or whatever so you can come back after the show and meet everyone?”
Frankie can only nod as he trades numbers with THE Sebastian Hawke. He nods and promises not to share Seb’s number with anyone before bidding a star struck farewell to the Carnage up and coming star.