Post by android69 on May 15, 2021 22:03:36 GMT -5
So early on in the careers of the duo known as The Masked Machinist and his "greatest" (read: only) creation Android 69, they have already successfully alienated themselves from all official interviewers and basically any staff member that could do the job Deja and Greg vehemently refuse to do. No level of authority and no level of punishment could and would entice them to change their minds. It wasn't MM as much as it was what he wrought upon this world. So it's in fact MM too, actually.
As an opponent, Android 69 is a tough opponent to figure out, hurt, and overpower. Outside the ring, well, more of the same, only the wrestling is the sort that only a select few would enjoy. But of those select few, satisfaction is 100% guaranteed. Fortunately for The Literal Sex Machine's opponent this week, Android 69 always asks for consent before wrecking one's nether regions.
Now, since the two have indeed ensured no one would want to get anywhere near them, MM and A69 have little recourse but to cut the following promo all on their own.
At the local gym, onlookers... look... on... at the unusual duo of a masked man and a honest to gosh robot. The Masked Machinist nods in approval as Android 69 does some sit-ups.
The Masked Machinist: All right, I think 32,000 sit-ups is enough for today.
He pauses to think about what he said.
The Masked Machinist: At least... I think it was 32,000 sit-ups. I started to lose count, honestly. Anyway, switch to push-ups now.
Android 69: With pleasure, my treasure!
The wrestling robot flips over and into the push-up position... then proceeds to hump the absolute shit out of the floor. The gawkers are appalled, but that's what they get for not minding their own businesses. Once the very ground begins to crack as the owner of the gym looks on, tears in his eyes, MM, noticing this, clears his throat.
The Masked Machinist: All right, that's enough.
Android 69: Almost... there...
A look of disgust appears on MM's face.
The Masked Machinist: Uh, no, you need to get up. Get up now.
Android 69: Onemoresec onemoresec onemoresec"
MM stomps his foot and lets out a frustrated scoff. He pulls out his remote, thumbs a dial, flips a few switches, and before you know it, A69 is forcibly returned to an upright position. A69 emits a series of loud whirring and gear-grinding sounds.
Android 69: blueballs.exe executed... sadness."
MM just shakes his head.
The Masked Machinist: You're a disgusting exhibitionist. No one wants to see this.
Android 69: Everyone loves a little motor oil facial every now and then.
The Masked Machinist: Nobody loves that!! And besides, I don't want us to be going to prison before we've had a second match, all right?
A69's eyes literally lit up as his daddy reminded him.
Android 69: Emily... Gabbard.
MM breathed a sigh of relief; he knows that Emily promises to put up more of a fight than the dastardly Masked Debater from last time. And "Masked Debater"... what a pitifully thinly-veiled sexual innuendo. MM and A69 wouldn't be caught dead being that obvious.
The Masked Machinist: Right. So. What's our game plan going to be this week?
A69 seems to be lost in thought.
Android 69: Emily... Gabbard. More like... Em, uh, me... Get-Hard... I can't wait.
MM looked on at the rubberneckers for some semblance of an answer, but they pretended like they weren't rubbernecking, turning around and whistling.
The Masked Machinist: Hey! Focus! We're not going out there on Monday to play The Dating Game!
A sly smirk programmed itself onto A69's face.
Android 69: Who said anything about dating?
He then humped the air, clinking and clanging sounds occurring with each thrust. MM sighed.
The Masked Machinist: Look... you need to go into this with the intent to win, like you did against Garbage Fence. Okay? You can't molest Emily Gabbard, you can't fondle her, you can't stroke her hair, you can't even smell her hair, is that understood?
Android 69: Oh yes, daddy, I love it when you're so assertive with me!!
MM points at his creation.
The Masked Machinist: And that goes double for the referee.
A69 looks dejected.
The Masked Machinist: And the commentators.
A69 whines.
The Masked Machinist: And the crowd!
Android 69: I can't get with Emily, I can't get with the referee, I can't get with the commentators, I can't even get with anyone - anyone? Seriously, anyone in the crowd?! Well, who can I get with??
MM rests both hands on his face.
The Masked Machinist: Please, someone... anyone... give me strength. Android 69... if you win... if you win... we'll work things out.
A69's eyes light up again. MM raises a finger.
The Masked Machinist: Ah. But not Emily Gabbard.
Android 69: ctrl-alt-disappointed
The Masked Machinist: That's not even a thing.
Android 69: My bad.
The Masked Machinist: You know what, there's no better time for you to cut a promo on your opponent this week, since this camera crew has conveniently been filming us this whole time.
Android 69: Even when you were crying earlier?
It takes a few moments for that mortified look to come upon MM's face.
The Masked Machinist: Oh, I sure hope not.
A69 turns to address the cameras.
Android 69: Did you get it?
Some Random Cameraman: You mean when he was wailing about his ex-wife?
The Masked Machinist: THAT'S A VERY SENSITIVE TOPIC FOR ME! STOP BULLYING ME FOR HAVING FEELINGS!!
A69 consoles MM by creepily rubbing his back. MM slaps his hand away.
Some Random Cameraman: I think you'd better start without him.
MM walks off-camera, wiping his eyes. A69 looks on and shrugs.
Android 69: Well all right, all right, all right! Emily Gabbard! Em-i-ly... Gabbard. You know, heh heh heh, I saw you last week. I smelled your million dollar perfume, and I became intoxicated.
A69 seems to ponder what he last said.
Android 69: At least, I think that's what being intoxicated feels like. My microchips began overheating, my servos sparked, my wires tensed... including the biggest wire my frame has to offer... if! you! know! what! I! mean!
He thrusted after each exclaimed word.
Android 69: And to compliment your sexy sexy image file, you're a complete and total bitch... just! how! I! like! it!
He again thrusted after each exclaimed word.
Android 69: And you know what would simply make my motor run to smoking? If, say, you know, in the heat of battle... if you got a bit rough with me...
He cocks his fingers like one would cock a gun, only it really makes a gun-cocking sound.
Android 69: I wouldn't hold it against you. Your body on the other hand, I would very much appreciate it if you held it against me. But, for the sake of my creator, I really think it should be me being held against you for the one... two... three. .......four... five... six... seven... eight - as long as you wanna go, baby girl! As! long! as! you! wanna! go!
He once more thrusts after each exclaimed word.
Android 69: But... I'm guessing with daddy at the reigns, I'll be hard-pressed to be able to do anything more than show you how rough I can get... and when I say "hard-pressed", baby, you'd better emphasize both words!
A69 looks off-camera again, apparently at MM still trying to compose himself. A69 shakes his head.
Android 69: Well, that's all from me for now. Daddy needs some TLC from Coitus Maximum, aka yours truly. TLC... you know: titanically long co-
As an opponent, Android 69 is a tough opponent to figure out, hurt, and overpower. Outside the ring, well, more of the same, only the wrestling is the sort that only a select few would enjoy. But of those select few, satisfaction is 100% guaranteed. Fortunately for The Literal Sex Machine's opponent this week, Android 69 always asks for consent before wrecking one's nether regions.
Now, since the two have indeed ensured no one would want to get anywhere near them, MM and A69 have little recourse but to cut the following promo all on their own.
At the local gym, onlookers... look... on... at the unusual duo of a masked man and a honest to gosh robot. The Masked Machinist nods in approval as Android 69 does some sit-ups.
The Masked Machinist: All right, I think 32,000 sit-ups is enough for today.
He pauses to think about what he said.
The Masked Machinist: At least... I think it was 32,000 sit-ups. I started to lose count, honestly. Anyway, switch to push-ups now.
Android 69: With pleasure, my treasure!
The wrestling robot flips over and into the push-up position... then proceeds to hump the absolute shit out of the floor. The gawkers are appalled, but that's what they get for not minding their own businesses. Once the very ground begins to crack as the owner of the gym looks on, tears in his eyes, MM, noticing this, clears his throat.
The Masked Machinist: All right, that's enough.
Android 69: Almost... there...
A look of disgust appears on MM's face.
The Masked Machinist: Uh, no, you need to get up. Get up now.
Android 69: Onemoresec onemoresec onemoresec"
MM stomps his foot and lets out a frustrated scoff. He pulls out his remote, thumbs a dial, flips a few switches, and before you know it, A69 is forcibly returned to an upright position. A69 emits a series of loud whirring and gear-grinding sounds.
Android 69: blueballs.exe executed... sadness."
MM just shakes his head.
The Masked Machinist: You're a disgusting exhibitionist. No one wants to see this.
Android 69: Everyone loves a little motor oil facial every now and then.
The Masked Machinist: Nobody loves that!! And besides, I don't want us to be going to prison before we've had a second match, all right?
A69's eyes literally lit up as his daddy reminded him.
Android 69: Emily... Gabbard.
MM breathed a sigh of relief; he knows that Emily promises to put up more of a fight than the dastardly Masked Debater from last time. And "Masked Debater"... what a pitifully thinly-veiled sexual innuendo. MM and A69 wouldn't be caught dead being that obvious.
The Masked Machinist: Right. So. What's our game plan going to be this week?
A69 seems to be lost in thought.
Android 69: Emily... Gabbard. More like... Em, uh, me... Get-Hard... I can't wait.
MM looked on at the rubberneckers for some semblance of an answer, but they pretended like they weren't rubbernecking, turning around and whistling.
The Masked Machinist: Hey! Focus! We're not going out there on Monday to play The Dating Game!
A sly smirk programmed itself onto A69's face.
Android 69: Who said anything about dating?
He then humped the air, clinking and clanging sounds occurring with each thrust. MM sighed.
The Masked Machinist: Look... you need to go into this with the intent to win, like you did against Garbage Fence. Okay? You can't molest Emily Gabbard, you can't fondle her, you can't stroke her hair, you can't even smell her hair, is that understood?
Android 69: Oh yes, daddy, I love it when you're so assertive with me!!
MM points at his creation.
The Masked Machinist: And that goes double for the referee.
A69 looks dejected.
The Masked Machinist: And the commentators.
A69 whines.
The Masked Machinist: And the crowd!
Android 69: I can't get with Emily, I can't get with the referee, I can't get with the commentators, I can't even get with anyone - anyone? Seriously, anyone in the crowd?! Well, who can I get with??
MM rests both hands on his face.
The Masked Machinist: Please, someone... anyone... give me strength. Android 69... if you win... if you win... we'll work things out.
A69's eyes light up again. MM raises a finger.
The Masked Machinist: Ah. But not Emily Gabbard.
Android 69: ctrl-alt-disappointed
The Masked Machinist: That's not even a thing.
Android 69: My bad.
The Masked Machinist: You know what, there's no better time for you to cut a promo on your opponent this week, since this camera crew has conveniently been filming us this whole time.
Android 69: Even when you were crying earlier?
It takes a few moments for that mortified look to come upon MM's face.
The Masked Machinist: Oh, I sure hope not.
A69 turns to address the cameras.
Android 69: Did you get it?
Some Random Cameraman: You mean when he was wailing about his ex-wife?
The Masked Machinist: THAT'S A VERY SENSITIVE TOPIC FOR ME! STOP BULLYING ME FOR HAVING FEELINGS!!
A69 consoles MM by creepily rubbing his back. MM slaps his hand away.
Some Random Cameraman: I think you'd better start without him.
MM walks off-camera, wiping his eyes. A69 looks on and shrugs.
Android 69: Well all right, all right, all right! Emily Gabbard! Em-i-ly... Gabbard. You know, heh heh heh, I saw you last week. I smelled your million dollar perfume, and I became intoxicated.
A69 seems to ponder what he last said.
Android 69: At least, I think that's what being intoxicated feels like. My microchips began overheating, my servos sparked, my wires tensed... including the biggest wire my frame has to offer... if! you! know! what! I! mean!
He thrusted after each exclaimed word.
Android 69: And to compliment your sexy sexy image file, you're a complete and total bitch... just! how! I! like! it!
He again thrusted after each exclaimed word.
Android 69: And you know what would simply make my motor run to smoking? If, say, you know, in the heat of battle... if you got a bit rough with me...
He cocks his fingers like one would cock a gun, only it really makes a gun-cocking sound.
Android 69: I wouldn't hold it against you. Your body on the other hand, I would very much appreciate it if you held it against me. But, for the sake of my creator, I really think it should be me being held against you for the one... two... three. .......four... five... six... seven... eight - as long as you wanna go, baby girl! As! long! as! you! wanna! go!
He once more thrusts after each exclaimed word.
Android 69: But... I'm guessing with daddy at the reigns, I'll be hard-pressed to be able to do anything more than show you how rough I can get... and when I say "hard-pressed", baby, you'd better emphasize both words!
A69 looks off-camera again, apparently at MM still trying to compose himself. A69 shakes his head.
Android 69: Well, that's all from me for now. Daddy needs some TLC from Coitus Maximum, aka yours truly. TLC... you know: titanically long co-